What does healing look like?

16 signs you're making progress on the path

Image by Milena Mazurek on Pixabay

There’s been a central thread that runs through my life, both personally and professionally, and that thread is healing, particularly the emotional and psychological kind, but also the physiological and psychospiritual kind (they’re very interconnected).

Healing is rarely a linear journey. We take three steps forward, two steps back, and four steps on a detour around the side.

It’s hard to see progress when you’re in the midst of the journey. But experience has taught me that if you weave some form of honest self-enquiry, discovery, growth, and challenge through your life – through pathways like therapy, spiritual teachings, meditation, service, or simply reflecting on the wisdom gleaned from life experience - you will reach a point on the path where you look back at a past version of yourself and recognise how far you have journeyed. If you have an openness to growth and learning and a willingness to lean into discomfort, you will be rewarded, over time, with greater ease, groundedness, and wisdom, even as life continues to dish its challenges and curveballs.

Landmarks start to appear as you progress along the path. Of course, these can be unique and individual, but from my decades in the therapy field, I believe there are some common threads to what we begin to notice.

16 signs you’re making progress on the healing path (in no particular order)

An increasing willingness to meet all the parts of yourself with acceptance and curiosity.

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Tending to your wounds by bringing them into the light, knowing the map and the territory, and getting familiar with the places where you get stuck.

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Owning and celebrating the strengths and the gifts you can bring to the world, without diminishing anyone else’s gifts.

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Finding a balance between a sense of trust and safety, while having boundaries and protection in place when needed.

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Having access to an inner well of joy. It’s not that you get to live in that place continuously but you know it’s there, can sense it in the background, and dip into it often.

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Having access to calm, stable energy. Not the kind that comes from stress hormones like adrenaline, or the artificial props of caffeine and sugar, but the kind that comes from a grounded nervous system.

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Holding clear values and acting in alignment with these. Being able to repair and take responsibility when you don’t.

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Being able to breathe fully and deeply so all the cells and body systems can be nourished.

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Being able to meet painful moments, the darkest parts of life, and hold yourself with tenderness through these moments.

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Having good rituals of self-care, including eating well and sleeping well. Making wise choices about what you put into your body, how you move, how you inhabit your day.

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Having the capacity to witness others' behaviour and understanding that they are doing their best, given the tools they have and what they have experienced. Holding them with compassion, as well as holding them to account when they misbehave.

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Having access to your creativity, and understanding we all have a stitch to contribute in the great tapestry of life.

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Owning your rough edges and not blaming others for your behaviour or your moods.

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Being able to be at peace in your own company, to be quiet and be alone with yourself sometimes.

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Being able to stay connected to yourself in the company of others, not losing yourself in other people’s needs.

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Living with greater ease, no matter your circumstances. Not making life harder than it needs to be.

Of course, these signposts are not pointing towards fixed destinations. They are always a work in progress, no matter how much growth has happened. You may experience some or all of these along the way. They come, they go, they are more accessible some days than others, but their increasing presence in your life is a good indicator that you’re progressing along the path of healing and growth.

One of the great paradoxes of healing is that there is always more work we can do on ourselves until the day we die, and at the same time, we are already enough, already whole, exactly as we are.

If we can hold these two sides of the pendulum in some semblance of balance, there is a sweet spot where we learn and grow from a place of gentleness, curiosity, and self-acceptance.

This is the work we do in the therapy room.

Thank you for reading. I’d love to hear which of these shifts you have seen showing up in your life? And what else would you add to that list? I deeply appreciate your comments and feedback and take the time to read and respond to them all.

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Disclaimer - Content is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only, and is not a substitute for mental health treatment or advice.