Congrats on your year of writing, Vicki!! And thank you for offering such beautiful wisdom from your decades of practice.
I love all the learnings you share here, but this one feels especially needed in our times: "There is something likeable and relatable about everyone once you hear the most vulnerable parts of their story, their deepest fears, their insecurities." ❤
Thank you Dana, and yes, that's been one of the privileges of doing this work - getting to see past the surface layers to the shared humanity that exists, even beneath the most annoying of behaviours!
Beautifully articulated gems of common humanity, Vicki. Thank you for this gift on your Anniversary! I'll share this article, I hope that's okay.
#19 is SO true. I often think that Robert Frost's poem of two paths is misquoted—both paths are equally hard, but we need to choose at that moment. It's only later, in hindsight, that we can weave a story of choice around that moment, that makes it 'the right one'.
“Everything is impermanent. Even the darkest despair or the deepest panic ends at some point and eventually shifts into something else.” Very true and yet something I tend to forget when I am in the pit or a panic. Also would love to hear more about reconnecting with the body for healing.
Thanks Colleen and good luck with your therapy journey. I've seen a few different therapists over the years and always got something useful from it. First sessions are a bit nerve-wracking though!
Interesting perspective. I went through many years of feeling "unseen" or "invisible" (I was the youngest of 4 children, and somewhat lost in the crowd). I'd be in groups with my husband and people would ignore what I said. A year ago I had a difficult interaction with a somewhat close friend, and felt he wasn't seeing me - I was feeling invisible, again. I drew upon all my (many) years of therapy -- and finally decided: that HE doesn't see me doesn't make me Invisible. I'm here whether he sees me, acknowledges me, or not. Their not "seeing" me isn't my problem. My choice is to be with people who do acknowledge and appreciate and value me. Wishing you well -- and feeling your own presence. "They" don't get to decide who you are!
You're so wise, thank you for that insight. I'm curious to explore how to shift that to when I feel unseen by my Mom, or unchosen in my community... maybe those folks aren't my true place (even though I love being there), but I'm still navigating triggerland when I feel unseen by the person who I want to feel it most from.
There are times when my husband doesn't "see" me -- or "get" me. It's frustrating and disappointing. We've been together over 40 years, and there -are- many things he gives me. And he cares about me and our relationship. Where he doesn't see me/ get me: I have a circle of friends that DO see & get me - and I depend on them. I'd love it if my husband were "everything I ever wanted" -- and that's a fantasy I imagine others have, For me it's regularly remembering that I do get important things from him: love, concern, attention -- what he is capable of. And don't expect the fantasy. I can say these things to you -- and he wouldn't really understand. My therapist always said "go with the good" -- and he is a good caring man, even though he isn't "everything". I have to feel worthy within myself -- and not depend on him - or anyone else - to feel worthy. That has been a hard road for me, having grown up feeling unworthy. Wishing you well.
Thank-you for sharing, I appreciate you. I hear all of that, and also 40 years! Wow. I'm still looking for my human (and I'm 40), so I hope to find someone to get to that milestone with;)
Thank you very much for this piece Vicky. The idea that the antidote to depression is feeling our emotions fully really resonated since it is something I try to work on myself.
I've also been seeking therapy for 6 years now and wrote about what I learned in an article a while back. Here is the link if you are interested:
Happy anniversary! I’m really enjoying your writing and insights. I think the one that is most interesting - although they all resonate - is that most people’s behaviour is about them not you. I find this particularly helpful when dealing with my teenagers! Thanks for being here and sharing your wisdom… and here’s to the next year! 🥂
Dear Dr Vicki, what a beautiful post. The nuggets of wisdom you’ve captured are inspiring. Each in their own way provides so much food for thought. Thank you ❤️😊🙏🏽
A very nice read. I'm really interested in self realization and spirituality, and from the insights I've gained, therapy too seems to me like spiritual practice or mindfulness in that it helps us see through our illusory ego.
Congrats on your year of writing, Vicki!! And thank you for offering such beautiful wisdom from your decades of practice.
I love all the learnings you share here, but this one feels especially needed in our times: "There is something likeable and relatable about everyone once you hear the most vulnerable parts of their story, their deepest fears, their insecurities." ❤
I find this to be infinitely true in my practice as well. It reminds me of the Brene Brown line of, “People are hard to hate up close.”
Thank you Dana, and yes, that's been one of the privileges of doing this work - getting to see past the surface layers to the shared humanity that exists, even beneath the most annoying of behaviours!
Happy anniversary - and thank you for sharing your 20 golden nuggets too! - fantastic read and each one resonates with me.
Thank you Janine - that's great to hear 😀
Beautifully articulated gems of common humanity, Vicki. Thank you for this gift on your Anniversary! I'll share this article, I hope that's okay.
#19 is SO true. I often think that Robert Frost's poem of two paths is misquoted—both paths are equally hard, but we need to choose at that moment. It's only later, in hindsight, that we can weave a story of choice around that moment, that makes it 'the right one'.
Yes, that's a great point Victoria. Thanks for your comments and yes, you're very welcome to share my posts, much appreciated 🙏
No.11: I’d add not just feeling it, but accepting it. That’s the place I balk every time. And once I do it starts to get better almost immediately.
Yes, beautifully said - acceptance is so often the first step towards change 😊
“Everything is impermanent. Even the darkest despair or the deepest panic ends at some point and eventually shifts into something else.” Very true and yet something I tend to forget when I am in the pit or a panic. Also would love to hear more about reconnecting with the body for healing.
Yes - amazing how hard it is to hold onto that when we're in the midst of something intense!
I will definitely be sharing more on connecting with the body for healing - this is one of my favourite topics 😀 Stay tuned!
Thank you for this Vicki, what a collection of gems 💕💕
Thank you Emma 😊
This list is right on. I start therapy Monday for the first time and I am nervous about it. Hoping to find some help figuring out things.
Thanks Colleen and good luck with your therapy journey. I've seen a few different therapists over the years and always got something useful from it. First sessions are a bit nerve-wracking though!
I made it through the first visit and plan on going back so I guess it went well.
Glad to hear that Colleen 😊
Thank you
What an amazing list. I resonate deeply with each of them.
I think if I was to add, I would say being seen is my number one topic of exploration right now.
I love the idea that we all need a witness to our lives, and I suppose my want (need?) falls into the same category.
I just pulled the thread of how I've always felt unseen in my life, so it's a big one, but I love these 20 things.
Yes, being seen is so important, I fully resonate with that. Thanks for your thoughts 😊
Interesting perspective. I went through many years of feeling "unseen" or "invisible" (I was the youngest of 4 children, and somewhat lost in the crowd). I'd be in groups with my husband and people would ignore what I said. A year ago I had a difficult interaction with a somewhat close friend, and felt he wasn't seeing me - I was feeling invisible, again. I drew upon all my (many) years of therapy -- and finally decided: that HE doesn't see me doesn't make me Invisible. I'm here whether he sees me, acknowledges me, or not. Their not "seeing" me isn't my problem. My choice is to be with people who do acknowledge and appreciate and value me. Wishing you well -- and feeling your own presence. "They" don't get to decide who you are!
You're so wise, thank you for that insight. I'm curious to explore how to shift that to when I feel unseen by my Mom, or unchosen in my community... maybe those folks aren't my true place (even though I love being there), but I'm still navigating triggerland when I feel unseen by the person who I want to feel it most from.
(Just thoughts)
There are times when my husband doesn't "see" me -- or "get" me. It's frustrating and disappointing. We've been together over 40 years, and there -are- many things he gives me. And he cares about me and our relationship. Where he doesn't see me/ get me: I have a circle of friends that DO see & get me - and I depend on them. I'd love it if my husband were "everything I ever wanted" -- and that's a fantasy I imagine others have, For me it's regularly remembering that I do get important things from him: love, concern, attention -- what he is capable of. And don't expect the fantasy. I can say these things to you -- and he wouldn't really understand. My therapist always said "go with the good" -- and he is a good caring man, even though he isn't "everything". I have to feel worthy within myself -- and not depend on him - or anyone else - to feel worthy. That has been a hard road for me, having grown up feeling unworthy. Wishing you well.
Thank-you for sharing, I appreciate you. I hear all of that, and also 40 years! Wow. I'm still looking for my human (and I'm 40), so I hope to find someone to get to that milestone with;)
Thank you very much for this piece Vicky. The idea that the antidote to depression is feeling our emotions fully really resonated since it is something I try to work on myself.
I've also been seeking therapy for 6 years now and wrote about what I learned in an article a while back. Here is the link if you are interested:
https://afewthoughtson.substack.com/p/a-few-thoughts-on-3-things-i-learned
Thank you again for the article!
Thank you Doga, I look forward to having a read of your piece 😊
No problem! And I just realized I spelled your name wrong in the previous comment. My apologies.
Happy anniversary! I’m really enjoying your writing and insights. I think the one that is most interesting - although they all resonate - is that most people’s behaviour is about them not you. I find this particularly helpful when dealing with my teenagers! Thanks for being here and sharing your wisdom… and here’s to the next year! 🥂
Thank you Alana, it's great to have you here. And yes, very useful to remember that about teens 😀
Dear Dr Vicki, what a beautiful post. The nuggets of wisdom you’ve captured are inspiring. Each in their own way provides so much food for thought. Thank you ❤️😊🙏🏽
Thank you Kajal, I'm so glad to hear it resonated with you 😊
Respect
Community
Love
External
Internal
The five fingers of the hand.
Beautiful Malcolm 😊
Thank you.
This list is exceptional, and couldn't have shown up in my inbox at a better time.
That's great to hear Sarah 😊
What a brilliant list. Thank you for sharing so generously.
Oh thank you Angela. I'm glad to hear it resonated with you 😊
A very nice read. I'm really interested in self realization and spirituality, and from the insights I've gained, therapy too seems to me like spiritual practice or mindfulness in that it helps us see through our illusory ego.
Yes, I think there's a big overlap between those disciplines. Mindfulness and self-awareness are cornerstones in my approach to therapy 😊
Now I know for sure hearing it from a practising therapist.
I agree on this…there is so much overlap with spiritual realization and the healing that can happen in the therapy room.
So much resonates here. What a great list and there is little difference between the therapy room and the coaching room.
Thanks Paul 😊