Closing out the year

And a huge thank you from me 🙏

Holiday season in the Southern Hemisphere - views from my favourite West Auckland walking track

Hello dear readers,

As we emerge from the first part of the festive bubble, I hope you found a balance of connection with yourself, connection with others, and moments of ease.

I’ve long felt ambivalent towards the festive season. It seems stacked with grief triggers, and with both branches of our family on the opposite side of the world, it often brings a feeling of displacement and loss. I know I’m far from alone in this, and I’ve often wondered if the manic energy around this time of year is just a collective attempt to outrun our grief and avoid ourselves.

Christmas at my place has been fondly referred to as the ‘United Nations’ – a collection of waifs and strays from amongst our friendship group of fellow immigrants who are similarly displaced. A hotchpotch of British, German, Austrian, Mexican, and American immigrants (along with the odd Kiwi), some with kids, some without, all in search of some semblance of home and family.

As the years have rolled on and the same friends continue to accept our last-minute, cobbled-together invitation, I realise we have inadvertently created a tradition of our own. It doesn’t look like the Hallmark ads in any shape or form - there’s no Christmas tree, the potluck menu leans towards salads, guacamole, and corn chips, and we hang out in the garden with games like Uno and Spoons. But it has the air of long-standing familiarity, and slowly, slowly, year by year, it starts to take on the shape of belonging and home.

I know that the holidays can be a deeply challenging and acutely lonely time, and I hope you have found glimmers of whatever you most need through these days.

2024 has felt like a big year on many levels – globally and personally.

On the personal level, my year was dominated by getting married in Europe in June. The first six months were filled with the busy, expansive energy of organisation, anticipation, and travel. The second six months brought the contraction that often seems to follow the expansion - body grumbling, energy fading, and a deep desire to withdraw and regroup.

The pattern of expansion and contraction is by now deeply familiar, and prompts me to turn inward and tend to what is out of balance in my internal system. Each orbit through this cycle leads to another layer of self-knowledge and self-discovery, and the realisation that the quiet, internal phases of life are every bit as important and valued as the more visible, external phases.

The road to marriage was paved with ambivalence for much of my life, and I shared some thoughts on this earlier in the year, including this piece about what commitment means to me.

On commitment

By far the most popular post from The Therapy Room this year has been this piece, which I shared back in March. It has received around 10,000 views to date, and continues to gather likes and shares nine months on.

20 things I've learned from 20 years in the therapy room

And in case you need a permission slip from a psychologist to ditch the pressure of New Year resolutions, I’m re-sharing this piece from last year about why I don’t make resolutions (and what I do instead).

Why I don't make New Year resolutions

The words I want to carry with me into 2025 are Groundedness and Trust.

After a couple of big years, I hope to spend the coming year closer to home, resting more into stillness and simplicity, and returning to the basics of a nourishing daily routine. I plan to make writing and creativity a more central part of my life, and I’m curious to discover where the writing journey wants to take me.

Most of all I want to keep turning towards trust – that I am where I’m meant to be, contributing what I came here to contribute, and can soften and allow the path to unfold.

To paraphrase the father of Gestalt Therapy, Fritz Perls

There is no need to push the river, it flows by itself

My heartfelt thanks to each of you for being here this year and supporting The Therapy Room. Your feedback on my writing is always much appreciated and I can’t wait to share more with you through 2025.

Wishing you a gentle transition into the new year.

I’d love to hear how the holidays have been going for you, and what you’re reflecting on as the end of the year draws close? Are there some words you would like to carry as your intentions into 2025? You can leave a comment below (and if you’re reading in an email, click through to the website to join the conversation).