Beautiful, heart-touching, and so resonant, Vicki. Death has been on my mind this past while, and I too have been thinking about the "last times" of things. I recently saw my mom and step-dad for the first time in nine years and, while I am grateful that our relationship is in the place it is now, I grieve all the missed moments and wonder whether there will be any future ones together. Still, I savoured what time we did have - holding them tight, noticing all the changes, wondering at how fast this life passes.
Sending birthday blessings to you, solace as you grieve your friend, and so many moments of being awake for the mystery. ❤️
Thank you Dana. Yes, watching parents age is another potent reminder of the finiteness of our lives. Mid-life seems to crystallise all of this and bring it into sharp focus. Thanks for your thoughtful comments ❤
Thank you for your touching reflections. Happy birthday and deep condolences. I think loss helps us to remember that each moment is fleeting and precious... perhaps giving greater depth to our celebrations. Grief reminds us about what we love, love reminds us to meet each other more fully because our time together is not guaranteed. 🙏🏽
I'm sorry your friend died. Birth and death are indeed inherently interconnected. And yet, so many find it hard to speak about the latter. You wrote beautifully about both.
These words stood out for me: "And with this, comes a greater appreciation for the tiny privileges of ordinary living."
In the end, ordinary living isn't ordinary at all. It's quite the opposite. Thank you for this wonderful read.
That is beautiful Nancy. What a privilege and an incredible learning it must be to companion people as they transition through that portal every day. Thanks for sharing your touching words here 🙏
We have come to rely on my older younger brother to remember the days that things happened. He always relates it to a birth, a wedding, a day when someone died or the day of their funeral. It has a cathartic effect in recalling that all the strands of life are woven into the fabric of who we are, how we relate to the world and to one another.
Having been having a 'season' of death in the midst of life this last year, with both my mother and my mother in law dying, and now a childless client coming to the very end of her life with cancer (and even my darling dog fading away), I have been feeling the preciousness of the ordinary. Only the other night I was listening the rain as I slept, and imagined what it would be like to hear it for the last time.... I'm also feeling a lot of grief for our world, for the land and peoples on it, and wondering how best I might be of service to the rising generations in navigating this shit show. Having grieved my childlessness, it seems to have built a willingness in me to stand in the storm of endings... I feel that in you too. Sending love for the loss of your dear friend and colleague. And Happy Birthday too xxx
Yes, a willingness to stand in the storm of endings - I love that Jody and absolutely feel that too. The world certainly needs more people who don't run scared from the grief and the pain and can companion others through the darkness ❤️
So lovely and insightful. Birthdays are a time for holding space for both life and death, a time for reflection and insight. Thank you so much for sharing! Happy birthday!! XO
I also spent the start of my birthday at a funeral. It was a good friend’s mum and it felt so right to be there for her. And it was a beautiful reflective time. Thanks for sharing this and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Beautiful words Vicki. So sorry for the loss of your friend, and happy birthday! A weird combination of wishes to respond with. There is a beauty and poetry in your reflection that touches me deeply, thank you!
This was lovely and so thoughtful Vicki. Thank you for sharing it with us even as you are grieving. I really relate to the ways that loss can inspire some awareness of life’s small pleasures, and gratitude. I’ve noticed that in my season of grieving, I’ve stopped caring about so many dumb things that used to drain me. And strangely, I’m less frightened of things, I think, because losing someone I love was always my greatest fear, and I’ve now survived a bit of that. I also relate to all the questions and uncertainty that death brings. Its just remarkable that we are all made to confront those questions and feel the intensity of it, and we do, and we thrive. Amazing. Anyway, thinking of you ❤️
Yes, so true, there's nothing like death to put some of our fears into perspective. Thanks for your thoughtful comments Amber, and for sharing this post. I'm glad to hear it resonated 😊
Beautiful, heart-touching, and so resonant, Vicki. Death has been on my mind this past while, and I too have been thinking about the "last times" of things. I recently saw my mom and step-dad for the first time in nine years and, while I am grateful that our relationship is in the place it is now, I grieve all the missed moments and wonder whether there will be any future ones together. Still, I savoured what time we did have - holding them tight, noticing all the changes, wondering at how fast this life passes.
Sending birthday blessings to you, solace as you grieve your friend, and so many moments of being awake for the mystery. ❤️
Thank you Dana. Yes, watching parents age is another potent reminder of the finiteness of our lives. Mid-life seems to crystallise all of this and bring it into sharp focus. Thanks for your thoughtful comments ❤
Thank you for your touching reflections. Happy birthday and deep condolences. I think loss helps us to remember that each moment is fleeting and precious... perhaps giving greater depth to our celebrations. Grief reminds us about what we love, love reminds us to meet each other more fully because our time together is not guaranteed. 🙏🏽
Beautifully said Lori. Yes, that's it exactly. Thank you 🙏
I'm sorry your friend died. Birth and death are indeed inherently interconnected. And yet, so many find it hard to speak about the latter. You wrote beautifully about both.
These words stood out for me: "And with this, comes a greater appreciation for the tiny privileges of ordinary living."
In the end, ordinary living isn't ordinary at all. It's quite the opposite. Thank you for this wonderful read.
Oh thank you Nancy for your kind words and for getting it. You're absolutely right, it isn't ordinary at all, and so good to be reminded of that 😊
So beautifully expressed! Thank you. 🙏
Two weeks ago a friend died. I learned so much from her and her journey with cancer.
Even though I am a volunteer with Hospice, I still ask ALL of those questions.
I have recently come to embrace a new motto/mantra:
“Let the mystery be.” ❤️
(See “The Raft” on Substack)
It doesn’t stop me from wondering, though.
I may need to keep practicing.
This is something I wrote after sitting with someone in Hospice
transitioning through the portal...
Transitions
I fall in love with strangers.
I’ve never met these people before.
The only thing I know is that they are dying.
I am a Hospice volunteer.
I sit with people who are “transitioning”,
so that they do not have to die alone.
To sit with someone at this threshold
is sacred ground.
I am honored and humbled,
every time.
I sit.
I pray.
I chant softly.
I empty myself.
I see that in the end,
we all really are the same.
All that really matters,
all that has ever mattered,
is Love.
I know nothing about this person in life,
but I say, “I love you.”
when I say my final “Good-by.”
I can’t help it,
it just comes out.
The threshold of death
offers wisdom beyond words.
It is in the silence of souls transitioning
that I have learned more than I can express.
I thought I was serving them, but
these souls have taught me more.
Sometimes when I get home,
I weep,
not necessarily from sadness,
but from gratitude
for life and wonder and grace.
That is beautiful Nancy. What a privilege and an incredible learning it must be to companion people as they transition through that portal every day. Thanks for sharing your touching words here 🙏
We have come to rely on my older younger brother to remember the days that things happened. He always relates it to a birth, a wedding, a day when someone died or the day of their funeral. It has a cathartic effect in recalling that all the strands of life are woven into the fabric of who we are, how we relate to the world and to one another.
Beautifully said Lawrence. Yes, I think I am one of those people too, who holds all those precious dates in mind and heart ❤️
Having been having a 'season' of death in the midst of life this last year, with both my mother and my mother in law dying, and now a childless client coming to the very end of her life with cancer (and even my darling dog fading away), I have been feeling the preciousness of the ordinary. Only the other night I was listening the rain as I slept, and imagined what it would be like to hear it for the last time.... I'm also feeling a lot of grief for our world, for the land and peoples on it, and wondering how best I might be of service to the rising generations in navigating this shit show. Having grieved my childlessness, it seems to have built a willingness in me to stand in the storm of endings... I feel that in you too. Sending love for the loss of your dear friend and colleague. And Happy Birthday too xxx
Yes, a willingness to stand in the storm of endings - I love that Jody and absolutely feel that too. The world certainly needs more people who don't run scared from the grief and the pain and can companion others through the darkness ❤️
So lovely and insightful. Birthdays are a time for holding space for both life and death, a time for reflection and insight. Thank you so much for sharing! Happy birthday!! XO
Thank you Danielle. I'm glad to hear it resonated with you 😊
I also spent the start of my birthday at a funeral. It was a good friend’s mum and it felt so right to be there for her. And it was a beautiful reflective time. Thanks for sharing this and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thanks Mika. Yes, it was a very reflective day and week. In many ways, more meaningful than the average birthday!
🙏🏽
❤️
A beautiful and thought provoking post. Thank you 🙏🏼😊
Thank you so much Simone 🙏
Thank you for sharing 😊
Beautiful words Vicki. So sorry for the loss of your friend, and happy birthday! A weird combination of wishes to respond with. There is a beauty and poetry in your reflection that touches me deeply, thank you!
Thank you Ingrid ❤
This was lovely and so thoughtful Vicki. Thank you for sharing it with us even as you are grieving. I really relate to the ways that loss can inspire some awareness of life’s small pleasures, and gratitude. I’ve noticed that in my season of grieving, I’ve stopped caring about so many dumb things that used to drain me. And strangely, I’m less frightened of things, I think, because losing someone I love was always my greatest fear, and I’ve now survived a bit of that. I also relate to all the questions and uncertainty that death brings. Its just remarkable that we are all made to confront those questions and feel the intensity of it, and we do, and we thrive. Amazing. Anyway, thinking of you ❤️
Yes, so true, there's nothing like death to put some of our fears into perspective. Thanks for your thoughtful comments Amber, and for sharing this post. I'm glad to hear it resonated 😊