Absolutely love this post, especially, “ As you become more accustomed to tuning into your own hum, you will start to hear the hum of others. Everyone is humming to their own particular rhythm…. True rest and healing is found in the still moments, the quiet spaces, the gaps. Not the slumps or the checking out, but the moments of pure presence…. We live on the run. But there’s a cost to drowning ourselves out. We lose touch with our inner wisdom, our intuition. We can’t hear what needs tending to in ourselves. And our bodies are strung out, inflamed and chronically tired.”
That humming metaphor (or empirical observation) resonates with me. I think if it as an ease in action - the tasks I’m doing are not high stakes (no ‘do or die’) and they don’t require me to strain everything or even anything to do. Jigsaws, reading, tending my plants, in the right frame if mind cooking or tidying up, crafting, watching the sky change... I also loved Anne Richardson’s term “no emotional significance”. As I let go of needing to prove or perform my belonging or enoughness, more activities fall under that heading.
Yes! That's it exactly. So often our nervous systems are approaching every simple task in life as if it is a life-or-death situation. I think this is often how I exhaust myself. I may be just doing the vacuuming, but I'm holding my breath and gritting my teeth as if I'm under threat! I love your phrase 'ease in action' Michelle
So much to unpack! In our culture vacuuming can mean so much... how equitably distributed are household care tasks, and responsibility for same, how our worth as women (especially) required a pristine home at all times, how we judge ourselves even when we consciously reject those outdated societal standards, who dirtied the floor or if its just general grime and more! No wonder you hold your breath & grit your teeth... you probably ARE under threat.
I have become very interested in rest since getting older (turning 82 in two days) and needing it more, or at least more visibly. My husband taught me to just lie down for ten minutes on the bed and that is surprisingly refreshing.
But I think one gets rest from all sorts of semi-passive activities. I have a very small garden but it is full of bushes and I love going out with my pruning shears and cutting things back. Very restful. Sometimes it is the wrong time of year and sometimes I prune too much (or too little), but the professional gardener who pops in on occasion forgives me, because he knows it's good for my soul.
I always do a few sudokus before going to sleep and I can literally feel my body winding down, because my mind is focussed on only one thing of absolutely no emotional significance.
So many ways to rest, I think (although I have no idea about my physical state at the moment), it seems a pity that we don't learn them much earlier in life. Perhaps rest should be taught in school and in all those 'keeping healthy' sites, along with good nutrition and exercise.
Yes! I could not agree more that this is one of the essential life skills that should be taught in schools. Instead, we're just expected to know, and most of us don't. Like you, I have become more interested in ways to find 'active rest' rather than just napping etc. as ways to rest. It's a work in progress, but it makes a massive difference to life. Thanks for your comments Ann and happy birthday 😊
Thanks for the birthday wishes. I kind of want to say I am 82 and skip all the precision but some sort of fear of hubris stops me – what if I said that and was taken in the night? So I will be careful until Tuesday.
Hi Vicki, Enjoyed your piece and poetry as well. I have a routine which I share in some of my articles, which is to do my brief yoga and meditation routine with a little breath work prior to bedtime. Even if it has been a hectic day when my intellectual left brain has been working overtime, I usually feel back in balance, fall asleep quickly, and sleep well throughout the night. Of course, if I am a little extra activated, I will also do a nice 1-2 cup Epson salt warm bath. As far as humming along, there is a hum sound in my meditation and breath work.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Ron. Yes, yoga and meditation are a big part of my self-regulation toolbox too, and I love the humming breath practice for calming and soothing 😀
I loved reading this new (to me) way of conceptualizing rest and regulation, Vicki: the hum of my own being and that of others, in particular. I have an aversion to things many people would describe as fun (including things that fall under the two themes you mention here). Meanwhile, meditation, yoga, walks in nature...those feel restful, regulating, essential.
Oh gosh, I'm totally with you! Holidays and TV not restful at all these days! Yoga, walks and meditation all the way...sadly those things don't get my children's votes so off to Menorca we go...:D I'll just take yoga, walking and meditation with me to get through it :D
Haha yes. I still go on holiday, but like you, take lots of yoga, meditation and downtown with me (and just anticipate that I'll need some recovery time when I get back, especially if there's jetlag involved!)
Thank you for this post!! Great perspective and information here.
Rest for me takes many forms at different times throughout the day. I don't typically watch TV. I may watch one or two hours per week. My phone is always on silent and I have it set to 2 hours of use per day. Most days, I wind up in the one hour range, which is just right.
I do yoga every night and I make some other form of exercise a daily "have to" such as walking or circuit type training. When I am taking care of my body, I feel good and know I am making good choices for myself.
In the morning, I have a set time that I do devotions and it takes however long it takes. Sometimes my mind wanders and it takes 30 minutes and other days it takes 10 minutes.
Every weekend morning, weather permitting, I walk a 6 mile round trip to and from the lake. Once I'm at the lake, I sit on the docks and watch and listen to the water and sky and mountains and wildlife there. And about once every one to two months, I go to a spot on a river that is about a 45 minute drive one way that I call my Sacred spot to talk and primally scream (if needed) and listen.
Lastly, a regular thing for me is to say no. I don't overschedule. I give myself plenty of time when and where I need it to refuel my mind, heart, body, and Soul. It has paid off in big ways for me. I feel healthier than I've ever been!! XO
That sounds like a fabulous self-care schedule Danielle 😊 And saying No..... so important and possibly one of the bigger challenges for so many of us. I wrote a whole post on that little word last year. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Thank you! I need it. I work with elementary children with special needs and the best of myself that I can give to them is a consistent, loving adult who knows how to regulate herself and therefore, teaches it through the way I move through this life. XO
Thank you for this. My system got ALL out of whack for a host of reasons over the years and I’m just now, several years into retirement (I am 62) realizing the necessity of getting some balance in my life. There is no more “I should”…I am clearly in a “I MUST” situation. I read, enjoy quiet time, go to therapy (both talk and massage), and explore new hobbies, most recently pottery, which is unbelievably relaxing. I also get great peace and joy from serving as a volunteer in a soup kitchen and clothing ministry in our community. A stumbling block for me, and I wonder if others experience this, is a vibe that I occasionally get from people here and there…a vibe that causes me to feel like I’m being ever so slightly selfish for talking care of myself. Could be that I’m just imagining this, but I don’t think so.
I think you're spot on! Which is why I say it is counter-cultural. Our culture still prioritises growth and achievement, and people wear their busyness like a badge of honour. It's destroying our health and happiness though. I have learned to prioritise rest a lot, and it has allowed my autoimmune disease to go into remission. But I still sometimes notice the fear being judged as lazy, unproductive or antisocial! Go you. Sounds like you're finding a great balance for yourself 😊
What a glorious visual to describe the different states. I loved reading this so much. I spend a lot of time reading, reflecting and learning about internal states, emotions, thought processes and lived experience so I can understand what's keeping my clients stuck, but I've neither thought nor read about state the way you described it here. This imagery conveys so much. May I ask permission to share your description with my clients when inviting them to reflect on what they're thinking / feeling in particular situations?
Absolutely love this post, especially, “ As you become more accustomed to tuning into your own hum, you will start to hear the hum of others. Everyone is humming to their own particular rhythm…. True rest and healing is found in the still moments, the quiet spaces, the gaps. Not the slumps or the checking out, but the moments of pure presence…. We live on the run. But there’s a cost to drowning ourselves out. We lose touch with our inner wisdom, our intuition. We can’t hear what needs tending to in ourselves. And our bodies are strung out, inflamed and chronically tired.”
Thank you Lucy, I'm glad to hear it resonated with you 😊
That humming metaphor (or empirical observation) resonates with me. I think if it as an ease in action - the tasks I’m doing are not high stakes (no ‘do or die’) and they don’t require me to strain everything or even anything to do. Jigsaws, reading, tending my plants, in the right frame if mind cooking or tidying up, crafting, watching the sky change... I also loved Anne Richardson’s term “no emotional significance”. As I let go of needing to prove or perform my belonging or enoughness, more activities fall under that heading.
Yes! That's it exactly. So often our nervous systems are approaching every simple task in life as if it is a life-or-death situation. I think this is often how I exhaust myself. I may be just doing the vacuuming, but I'm holding my breath and gritting my teeth as if I'm under threat! I love your phrase 'ease in action' Michelle
So much to unpack! In our culture vacuuming can mean so much... how equitably distributed are household care tasks, and responsibility for same, how our worth as women (especially) required a pristine home at all times, how we judge ourselves even when we consciously reject those outdated societal standards, who dirtied the floor or if its just general grime and more! No wonder you hold your breath & grit your teeth... you probably ARE under threat.
So true! And layered on top is the habit of rushing to the finish line with every task, as if my life depends on it 😂
Well said.
I have become very interested in rest since getting older (turning 82 in two days) and needing it more, or at least more visibly. My husband taught me to just lie down for ten minutes on the bed and that is surprisingly refreshing.
But I think one gets rest from all sorts of semi-passive activities. I have a very small garden but it is full of bushes and I love going out with my pruning shears and cutting things back. Very restful. Sometimes it is the wrong time of year and sometimes I prune too much (or too little), but the professional gardener who pops in on occasion forgives me, because he knows it's good for my soul.
I always do a few sudokus before going to sleep and I can literally feel my body winding down, because my mind is focussed on only one thing of absolutely no emotional significance.
So many ways to rest, I think (although I have no idea about my physical state at the moment), it seems a pity that we don't learn them much earlier in life. Perhaps rest should be taught in school and in all those 'keeping healthy' sites, along with good nutrition and exercise.
Yes! I could not agree more that this is one of the essential life skills that should be taught in schools. Instead, we're just expected to know, and most of us don't. Like you, I have become more interested in ways to find 'active rest' rather than just napping etc. as ways to rest. It's a work in progress, but it makes a massive difference to life. Thanks for your comments Ann and happy birthday 😊
Thanks for the birthday wishes. I kind of want to say I am 82 and skip all the precision but some sort of fear of hubris stops me – what if I said that and was taken in the night? So I will be careful until Tuesday.
Hi Vicki, Enjoyed your piece and poetry as well. I have a routine which I share in some of my articles, which is to do my brief yoga and meditation routine with a little breath work prior to bedtime. Even if it has been a hectic day when my intellectual left brain has been working overtime, I usually feel back in balance, fall asleep quickly, and sleep well throughout the night. Of course, if I am a little extra activated, I will also do a nice 1-2 cup Epson salt warm bath. As far as humming along, there is a hum sound in my meditation and breath work.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Ron. Yes, yoga and meditation are a big part of my self-regulation toolbox too, and I love the humming breath practice for calming and soothing 😀
I loved reading this new (to me) way of conceptualizing rest and regulation, Vicki: the hum of my own being and that of others, in particular. I have an aversion to things many people would describe as fun (including things that fall under the two themes you mention here). Meanwhile, meditation, yoga, walks in nature...those feel restful, regulating, essential.
Oh gosh, I'm totally with you! Holidays and TV not restful at all these days! Yoga, walks and meditation all the way...sadly those things don't get my children's votes so off to Menorca we go...:D I'll just take yoga, walking and meditation with me to get through it :D
Haha yes. I still go on holiday, but like you, take lots of yoga, meditation and downtown with me (and just anticipate that I'll need some recovery time when I get back, especially if there's jetlag involved!)
Thank you Dana, and I'm with you in seeking the quieter life. So strange that that in itself is so counter-cultural in this world!
Thank you for this post!! Great perspective and information here.
Rest for me takes many forms at different times throughout the day. I don't typically watch TV. I may watch one or two hours per week. My phone is always on silent and I have it set to 2 hours of use per day. Most days, I wind up in the one hour range, which is just right.
I do yoga every night and I make some other form of exercise a daily "have to" such as walking or circuit type training. When I am taking care of my body, I feel good and know I am making good choices for myself.
In the morning, I have a set time that I do devotions and it takes however long it takes. Sometimes my mind wanders and it takes 30 minutes and other days it takes 10 minutes.
Every weekend morning, weather permitting, I walk a 6 mile round trip to and from the lake. Once I'm at the lake, I sit on the docks and watch and listen to the water and sky and mountains and wildlife there. And about once every one to two months, I go to a spot on a river that is about a 45 minute drive one way that I call my Sacred spot to talk and primally scream (if needed) and listen.
Lastly, a regular thing for me is to say no. I don't overschedule. I give myself plenty of time when and where I need it to refuel my mind, heart, body, and Soul. It has paid off in big ways for me. I feel healthier than I've ever been!! XO
That sounds like a fabulous self-care schedule Danielle 😊 And saying No..... so important and possibly one of the bigger challenges for so many of us. I wrote a whole post on that little word last year. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Thank you! I need it. I work with elementary children with special needs and the best of myself that I can give to them is a consistent, loving adult who knows how to regulate herself and therefore, teaches it through the way I move through this life. XO
Love, love, LOVE this perspective. Stoked to have come across your Substack :)
Oh thank you Alexander. Great to have you here 😊
Thank you for this. My system got ALL out of whack for a host of reasons over the years and I’m just now, several years into retirement (I am 62) realizing the necessity of getting some balance in my life. There is no more “I should”…I am clearly in a “I MUST” situation. I read, enjoy quiet time, go to therapy (both talk and massage), and explore new hobbies, most recently pottery, which is unbelievably relaxing. I also get great peace and joy from serving as a volunteer in a soup kitchen and clothing ministry in our community. A stumbling block for me, and I wonder if others experience this, is a vibe that I occasionally get from people here and there…a vibe that causes me to feel like I’m being ever so slightly selfish for talking care of myself. Could be that I’m just imagining this, but I don’t think so.
I think you're spot on! Which is why I say it is counter-cultural. Our culture still prioritises growth and achievement, and people wear their busyness like a badge of honour. It's destroying our health and happiness though. I have learned to prioritise rest a lot, and it has allowed my autoimmune disease to go into remission. But I still sometimes notice the fear being judged as lazy, unproductive or antisocial! Go you. Sounds like you're finding a great balance for yourself 😊
Love this concept and the hum between frenzy and lull…the idea that rest is a reconnection to self almost.. thank you for this x
Yes - rest is a reconnection to self - love that. Thanks Alana 😊
What a glorious visual to describe the different states. I loved reading this so much. I spend a lot of time reading, reflecting and learning about internal states, emotions, thought processes and lived experience so I can understand what's keeping my clients stuck, but I've neither thought nor read about state the way you described it here. This imagery conveys so much. May I ask permission to share your description with my clients when inviting them to reflect on what they're thinking / feeling in particular situations?
Absolutely Natalie, so glad to hear it's useful 😊
Thank you so much 🙏😊