Always fun to hear that conversation with the 22 you. My message would be a tiny manifesto: You don't need more balance. You need to be more yourself. You need silence, not loneliness. Challenge, not noise. Stop performing for systems that were never designed for you or by you. Every day, come back to yourself--not the functional version but the complete one.
I just rolled up my pant legs to wade into the deeper part of The Bright Life Substack and donnamcarthur.com Your experience, writing, and emphasis on science as it looks the same as well-being puts you in the rarified air of the 5% of adults who seek each other out in our commmunity of Gifted Professionals and Communicators. Take a look. A good look. And you tell me if you see the same.
Vicki, this wise advice is fantastic. This is one of my favorites: "Spend less time worrying about whether guys like you, and more time worrying about whether you like them." That would have saved me a great deal of angst! Thank you for these precious gems.
I loved that. I'm going to have a go at writing notes to my younger self too. Like you I was a late starter in the marriage stakes and the wait was well worth it. I am going to send snippets of your notes to my teenage granddaughters. Thank you 🙏
Vicki! I’m tearing up reading your words - many of which my 22-year-old self needs to hear, too. I love seeing past you and present you side by side.
I remember feeling so old in my mid-20s when I faced my first real health crisis. Within just a few months, my daily runs and yoga practice went from physically "advanced" to barely being able to take walks or sit on my mat. I remember thinking: It’s all downhill from here.
Today, at 50, my body is physically healthy and much stronger than it was in my 20s. I no longer take strength or energy for granted, but I also no longer see physical practice as the ultimate objective. I wish I could go back and tell my past self that she’d survive without her running addiction... and that she’d still be practicing yoga daily and doing handstands in her 40s and 50s!
Yes! Our younger selves would probably be very impressed to hear we are committed yogis at this advanced age 😄 I also feel fitter and stronger now than I did in my 20s.Thanks so much for your comments Dana, and I'm glad to hear this piece touched you x
I totally agree with your first point. Thanks for the reminder, currently I am in a stage where I need this reminder constantly because I am doing something that in practical terms doesn't make any sense but hopefully in the future it will. Thank you for writing this inspiring letter.
Thanks Aditi. Yes, it's interesting how we can often only appreciate that with hindsight! One of the great things about aging has been learning to trust that 😊
Thank you for this, Vicki. I’ve been doing a lot of looking back too recently and this piece really resonated. The first thing that springs to mind with your invitation is ‘you do not have to be good’ (thank you, Mary Oliver). You do not have to be good. You do not have to do what is expected. You do not have to play it safe. You do not have to hide. You do not have to conform. You do not need parental permission. Or approval. You may follow your joy. You may not have it all figured out You may take risks. You may be exactly who you choose to be. And then change. And change again. You may be wild and sweary and disappointing and mediocre and inconsistent and unsuccessful and content. 😊
I find schoolyards so triggering but had to “do” them again with my (now adult) kids - although I was probably a tiger mum pain in the arse 😂, and now have to go again with the grandkid pickup 😩.
Fellow curly girl, here. And 52-year-old! It took around 45 years for me to learn to love and care for my curls. I wish I’d know how special they are rather than fighting them for so long.
Loved all the other advice too - so much of it resonates 💗
This was gorgeous and really moved me, Vicki. And I love your curls! I always wish I had them.
My son is getting ready to head to college and I am in the midst of drafting a letter to him. It has been an interesting exercise because most of what I am writing is not just for him. It’s also for me. What I wish I knew when I was about to enter my 20s and step onto that threshold of individuation.
I just love that you spoke to that younger version of yourself this way. 💕
Thanks so much Allison ❤️ And how wonderful that you get the chance to do this for your son. I often wonder, if someone had told me these things back then, would I have been ready to listen? Or did I need to live our way into the wisdom through the mistakes??
I know what you mean. Often the lesson is more powerful and transformative to have lived it (rather than receive it as a precautionary tale from someone else).
was trying to pick my favourite but couldn't!! They're all so good and insightful, but above all, the compassion shines through - love this piece Vicki, thank you!
I loved this, Vicki. You were and are so beautiful! I relate to a lot of it and am still learning other pieces. I've been struggling with my own age recently. I was very identified with my youth and was just cresting 30 when covid began. Then on the other side I suddenly had 2 kids and was teaching at university and was very confronted by the generational gap with the students. My face had changed so much and I finally realised I was never going to be young again... I think my failure to meet major milestones like buying a house or simply living above the poverty line have made this harder to come to terms with. But I am leaning into getting older now and looking forward to trying out my 40s, 50s and so forth. One thing is for certain, it is only getting better!
The older you become, the more you realize "you ain't done yet" in discovering new things and new paths in life. You arrived at that place where you've become more comfortable with yourself and be that person whom you are. Enjoy!
Always fun to hear that conversation with the 22 you. My message would be a tiny manifesto: You don't need more balance. You need to be more yourself. You need silence, not loneliness. Challenge, not noise. Stop performing for systems that were never designed for you or by you. Every day, come back to yourself--not the functional version but the complete one.
Beautiful words Georgia. I very much resonate 😊 You need to be more yourself - Yes!
Georgia, I love your manifesto, especially the reminder to come back to our complete self not only the functional part.
I just rolled up my pant legs to wade into the deeper part of The Bright Life Substack and donnamcarthur.com Your experience, writing, and emphasis on science as it looks the same as well-being puts you in the rarified air of the 5% of adults who seek each other out in our commmunity of Gifted Professionals and Communicators. Take a look. A good look. And you tell me if you see the same.
Georgia, thank you so much for taking the time to check out TBL and leaving this lovely comment. I appreciate it❤️
Vicki, this wise advice is fantastic. This is one of my favorites: "Spend less time worrying about whether guys like you, and more time worrying about whether you like them." That would have saved me a great deal of angst! Thank you for these precious gems.
Me too Sandra 😂 It seems so obvious now! Thanks for your kind comments ❤
I loved that. I'm going to have a go at writing notes to my younger self too. Like you I was a late starter in the marriage stakes and the wait was well worth it. I am going to send snippets of your notes to my teenage granddaughters. Thank you 🙏
Oh fabulous! I hope your granddaughters like it 😀 These are words I often want to say to the younger women I work with too. Thanks Lee
Vicki! I’m tearing up reading your words - many of which my 22-year-old self needs to hear, too. I love seeing past you and present you side by side.
I remember feeling so old in my mid-20s when I faced my first real health crisis. Within just a few months, my daily runs and yoga practice went from physically "advanced" to barely being able to take walks or sit on my mat. I remember thinking: It’s all downhill from here.
Today, at 50, my body is physically healthy and much stronger than it was in my 20s. I no longer take strength or energy for granted, but I also no longer see physical practice as the ultimate objective. I wish I could go back and tell my past self that she’d survive without her running addiction... and that she’d still be practicing yoga daily and doing handstands in her 40s and 50s!
Yes! Our younger selves would probably be very impressed to hear we are committed yogis at this advanced age 😄 I also feel fitter and stronger now than I did in my 20s.Thanks so much for your comments Dana, and I'm glad to hear this piece touched you x
I totally agree with your first point. Thanks for the reminder, currently I am in a stage where I need this reminder constantly because I am doing something that in practical terms doesn't make any sense but hopefully in the future it will. Thank you for writing this inspiring letter.
Thanks Aditi. Yes, it's interesting how we can often only appreciate that with hindsight! One of the great things about aging has been learning to trust that 😊
Thank you for this, Vicki. I’ve been doing a lot of looking back too recently and this piece really resonated. The first thing that springs to mind with your invitation is ‘you do not have to be good’ (thank you, Mary Oliver). You do not have to be good. You do not have to do what is expected. You do not have to play it safe. You do not have to hide. You do not have to conform. You do not need parental permission. Or approval. You may follow your joy. You may not have it all figured out You may take risks. You may be exactly who you choose to be. And then change. And change again. You may be wild and sweary and disappointing and mediocre and inconsistent and unsuccessful and content. 😊
Yes!! I love this Iona. Beautiful words and advice, thank you for sharing 😊❤
That is just beautiful and a beautiful way of reframing life’s pathways which can so often feel overwhelming and difficult to move forward from … ❤️
Thanks so much Katie 😊
👌🏼. Spot on.
Agree 100% with the rubbish notion that school days are the best.
For me they were the worst at the time, and they are still the worst.
Your lovely smile hasn’t changed.☺️
Aw thank you 😊 And yes! Can we stop telling this to kids. It's an excruciating time for so many…
I find schoolyards so triggering but had to “do” them again with my (now adult) kids - although I was probably a tiger mum pain in the arse 😂, and now have to go again with the grandkid pickup 😩.
Schoolyards give me the shivers every time I go near!
Fellow curly girl, here. And 52-year-old! It took around 45 years for me to learn to love and care for my curls. I wish I’d know how special they are rather than fighting them for so long.
Loved all the other advice too - so much of it resonates 💗
Ah, we should start a mentoring programme for curly girls! 😀 I'm glad to hear it resonated with you Sonia ❤
This was gorgeous and really moved me, Vicki. And I love your curls! I always wish I had them.
My son is getting ready to head to college and I am in the midst of drafting a letter to him. It has been an interesting exercise because most of what I am writing is not just for him. It’s also for me. What I wish I knew when I was about to enter my 20s and step onto that threshold of individuation.
I just love that you spoke to that younger version of yourself this way. 💕
Thanks so much Allison ❤️ And how wonderful that you get the chance to do this for your son. I often wonder, if someone had told me these things back then, would I have been ready to listen? Or did I need to live our way into the wisdom through the mistakes??
I know what you mean. Often the lesson is more powerful and transformative to have lived it (rather than receive it as a precautionary tale from someone else).
There truly is wisdom in missteps.
Absolutely beautiful, as are you! Thank you so much for sharing. My 32-year-old self is soaking this up. 💕
Aw thanks Megan ❤️
was trying to pick my favourite but couldn't!! They're all so good and insightful, but above all, the compassion shines through - love this piece Vicki, thank you!
Thanks so much Catherine, that's lovely to hear 😊
This is so beautiful, Vicki 🥹 thank you for sharing this with us. SUCH good advice!
Thanks so much Kaitlyn 😊
I loved this, Vicki. You were and are so beautiful! I relate to a lot of it and am still learning other pieces. I've been struggling with my own age recently. I was very identified with my youth and was just cresting 30 when covid began. Then on the other side I suddenly had 2 kids and was teaching at university and was very confronted by the generational gap with the students. My face had changed so much and I finally realised I was never going to be young again... I think my failure to meet major milestones like buying a house or simply living above the poverty line have made this harder to come to terms with. But I am leaning into getting older now and looking forward to trying out my 40s, 50s and so forth. One thing is for certain, it is only getting better!
Beautiful words that so resonate and I totally wish I had heard them too in my younger years ❤️
Thanks Michelle. I wonder if we would have listened?!
Probably not.....!
The older you become, the more you realize "you ain't done yet" in discovering new things and new paths in life. You arrived at that place where you've become more comfortable with yourself and be that person whom you are. Enjoy!
Thanks Frederick, and yes, so true!