I am Malcolm in the middle of two brothers, no sisters. My mother was one of two sisters, no brothers. My last name is handed down from a Northern Irishman who came to the US in 1790s.
I will have to ponder inherited trauma, not aware of any but do have allergies lol.
This is such an intriguing concept to me. When entire communities have suffered through events, how do we heal the communities? Can it only be done one person at a time?
That is such a great question Crystal. I'm not sure I have an answer. My work is about healing individuals predominantly, but I do believe change needs to happen at a community level too to stop the cascade effect through the generations. I think we don't pay enough (if any) attention to the after-effects of community-level trauma. The pandemic would be an obvious recent example, not to mention the various wars and conflicts that are currently raging. I think our political leaders and decision-makers could benefit from being much more trauma informed, and in an ideal world, we could be offering this work through schools etc. Love to hear your thoughts too...
Agree completely. I work in community development and I never hear conversations about this. It seems to me we need to in order to break the cycles and have a strong foundation.
There's a really interesting section of The Body Keeps the Score, which talks about how the worst trauma in people who were children in the UK during WWII was in the children who were sent away to the countryside without their parents - not the children who were in a more dangerous place but surrounded by loving family. We also had a bomb shelter in our primary school and the first V2 rocket landed nearby, so this really surprised me. Shows how important the behaviour and love of adults is.
Yes absolutely! There was so little understanding of attachment in those days. It would have been horrific to be sent off to a strange place, with strange people. And there are many stories of abuse from those kids too sadly. Thanks for adding that.
Hello Dr. Connop. Incredible about that cherry smell in mice study. It makes me want to be EXTRA careful with how I treat people. :)
Separately, I grew up with absolute yelling and screaming every single day in my family. As in, my ears ache now just typing this and remembering the screaming. I left the house when I was 18 and have never looked back. People describe me, now, as always happy and positive and enthusiastic and in a good mood--and I feel that to genuinely be the case--and I thoroughly enjoy helping to bring out the best in others....
My question to you: Is it possible to cure/stop/arrest the intergenerational chaos? I feel I have...if only by getting as far away from it as possible and refusing to participate in it. Also, this country and God and the Air Force gave me all of my opportunities to grow and thrive, so I stand on the shoulders of giants, so any peace and comfort I now have, I fully understand came from those who came before me.
Thanks for your comments Mmerikani. Yes healing from trauma is absolutely possibly. There is a whole very exciting field of trauma therapy work which can help to interrupt these intergenerational patterns. Often it begins with learning to regulate the nervous system, sometimes it requires some conscious processing of what happened with a skilled professional. But many people find their own ways to heal too. It sounds like you've found some things that are working for you 😊
This is such a brilliant piece of writing. I can totally relate to everything you speak of. In an immediate way with my parents but also further back with my Irish ancestors impacted by the famine and poverty. It has taken decades to understand and address this. So good to see it spoken of with such clarity.
I appreciate how you are putting into words something many if us struggle to comprehend in its depth and complexity, and how you refer to your personal story of ancestral trauma. As an Austrian I also carry the imprints of guilt and shame of the damage our ancestors have caused in WorldWar2, and the direct memory of silencing that's still stuck in my throat on some level. As a therapist of traumatized clients, I often recognize myself in their stories, but there remains an invisibility of some sort, I haven't yet been able to unravel fully. Thank you for your courage to being visible with your pain Vicky.
Ancestral healing also sometimes suggests that doing this work now not only heals us and the generations forward in time but also nonlinearally heals past generations. ❤️ also this makes me think of The Deepest Well which might interest you if you haven’t already read it. A favorite read for me.
Thanks Kathryn, and yes, I love that idea that the healing travels in both directions through the ancestral lines. It has always made some intuitive sense to me
I am Malcolm in the middle of two brothers, no sisters. My mother was one of two sisters, no brothers. My last name is handed down from a Northern Irishman who came to the US in 1790s.
I will have to ponder inherited trauma, not aware of any but do have allergies lol.
Clues follow:
The Father, The Child and the Man
https://youtu.be/aeN3vPYGh6E?si=Xq0_WXYOwDlBtXnK
My father he's a good man
And he's raised his family right
I can hear his voice in mine
When I wish my girl goodnight
I know he's had his problems
Lord, I still have a few
But I've realized he's just a man
And that's all I am too
Though he's reached his autumn years
The oak's still standing tall
And I will be there with him
As the leaves begin to fall
Chorus
It seems a few short years ago
I was just a kid
And I paid great attention
To the things my father did
Now I have a family of my own
And I'm mindful how the twig is bent
The tree is surely grown
So I try with all my heart to do
The best job that I can
With the father, child and the man
My daughter has her mother's charm
A blessing in disguise
Cause old men, kids and animals
Are drawn to her like flies
She's young and smart and stubborn
Living fancy free
But there's a tougher side to teenage life
Not too hard to see
And we both have faced those conflicts
And the stark uncertainty
Between heaven and the heartbreak
And responsibility
Chorus
Yes it seems a few short years ago
I was just a boy
But that boy he's still a part of me
Playing with my toys
And this father loves his daughter
I wish her all the best
And I'll be her dad for comfort
And I'll be her dad for rest
This old man's got a ton of chores
Choices that he's made
Promises he'd best fulfill
Bills that must be paid
Chorus
It seems a few short years ago
I was just a kid
And I paid great attention
To the things my father did
Now I have a family of my own
And I'm mindful how the twig is bent
The tree is surely grown
So I try with all my heart to do
The best job that I can
With the father, child and the man
Be well.
Love it! Thanks for sharing your words Malcolm 😀
This is such an intriguing concept to me. When entire communities have suffered through events, how do we heal the communities? Can it only be done one person at a time?
That is such a great question Crystal. I'm not sure I have an answer. My work is about healing individuals predominantly, but I do believe change needs to happen at a community level too to stop the cascade effect through the generations. I think we don't pay enough (if any) attention to the after-effects of community-level trauma. The pandemic would be an obvious recent example, not to mention the various wars and conflicts that are currently raging. I think our political leaders and decision-makers could benefit from being much more trauma informed, and in an ideal world, we could be offering this work through schools etc. Love to hear your thoughts too...
Agree completely. I work in community development and I never hear conversations about this. It seems to me we need to in order to break the cycles and have a strong foundation.
There's a really interesting section of The Body Keeps the Score, which talks about how the worst trauma in people who were children in the UK during WWII was in the children who were sent away to the countryside without their parents - not the children who were in a more dangerous place but surrounded by loving family. We also had a bomb shelter in our primary school and the first V2 rocket landed nearby, so this really surprised me. Shows how important the behaviour and love of adults is.
Yes absolutely! There was so little understanding of attachment in those days. It would have been horrific to be sent off to a strange place, with strange people. And there are many stories of abuse from those kids too sadly. Thanks for adding that.
Hello Dr. Connop. Incredible about that cherry smell in mice study. It makes me want to be EXTRA careful with how I treat people. :)
Separately, I grew up with absolute yelling and screaming every single day in my family. As in, my ears ache now just typing this and remembering the screaming. I left the house when I was 18 and have never looked back. People describe me, now, as always happy and positive and enthusiastic and in a good mood--and I feel that to genuinely be the case--and I thoroughly enjoy helping to bring out the best in others....
My question to you: Is it possible to cure/stop/arrest the intergenerational chaos? I feel I have...if only by getting as far away from it as possible and refusing to participate in it. Also, this country and God and the Air Force gave me all of my opportunities to grow and thrive, so I stand on the shoulders of giants, so any peace and comfort I now have, I fully understand came from those who came before me.
Thanks for your comments Mmerikani. Yes healing from trauma is absolutely possibly. There is a whole very exciting field of trauma therapy work which can help to interrupt these intergenerational patterns. Often it begins with learning to regulate the nervous system, sometimes it requires some conscious processing of what happened with a skilled professional. But many people find their own ways to heal too. It sounds like you've found some things that are working for you 😊
This is such a brilliant piece of writing. I can totally relate to everything you speak of. In an immediate way with my parents but also further back with my Irish ancestors impacted by the famine and poverty. It has taken decades to understand and address this. So good to see it spoken of with such clarity.
Thank you Lucy, really appreciate your comments and glad to hear it resonated
I appreciate how you are putting into words something many if us struggle to comprehend in its depth and complexity, and how you refer to your personal story of ancestral trauma. As an Austrian I also carry the imprints of guilt and shame of the damage our ancestors have caused in WorldWar2, and the direct memory of silencing that's still stuck in my throat on some level. As a therapist of traumatized clients, I often recognize myself in their stories, but there remains an invisibility of some sort, I haven't yet been able to unravel fully. Thank you for your courage to being visible with your pain Vicky.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments Ingrid, and yes the silencing and invisibility seems to be part of what hinders the healing process
Ancestral healing also sometimes suggests that doing this work now not only heals us and the generations forward in time but also nonlinearally heals past generations. ❤️ also this makes me think of The Deepest Well which might interest you if you haven’t already read it. A favorite read for me.
Thanks Kathryn, and yes, I love that idea that the healing travels in both directions through the ancestral lines. It has always made some intuitive sense to me
It is hard to grasp with the head in our linear time world but intuitively yes makes sense