Thank you for bringing this up. I have been hearing the same reminder from many source: becoming embodied. When I was first in group therapy (55 years ago), i would hear people say "I feel this" and I feel that" -- and I said to myself: "What the F are they talking about?' What's a "feeling"? I had no idea. Over time I began connecting with my feelings -- but often (at the beginning) it was through being conscious of my behavior and working backwards -- "I'm yelling. I've been told I'm angry, so hearing myself yell, or wanting to probably means I'm angry." Somehow that worked, and I did become conscious and aware of my feelings. But it was never discussed -- that I can remember -- that these feelings were in my body. So, about 10 years ago, when I was in a (very good) personal development class (the 4th in a series of 4) the leader asked "Where do you feel that in your body?" And I was puzzled -- again. In my BODY? What is she talking about. Everyone else seemed to understand, and I felt - somehow - ashamed that I didn't know. So I couldn't even ask what she meant. She assumed we knew - and I didn't. Over the past years I've gotten better -- and began to realize that I DO feel through my body -- though I don't always understand how. The awareness is NOT through my brain -- somehow it is direct to my awareness I know sadness, anxiety, happy. Other feelings elude me. Grief is one of them -- and I have to use my mind's awareness of my physical state to say "I'm grieving" -- or "realize" that I'm grieving -- even though I can't "locate" that feeling in my body. It's a long, long (long!) road. I'm going to be 80 this year -- and grateful that I've gotten -this- far, even though I still struggle with embodiment. I'm sure my story is not uncommon -- for all the reasons you describe. So valuable. Thanks again.
Thanks so much for sharing this Jay. You are most definitely not alone, there are many people who struggle to answer when asked where they feel something in their body. It's often a slow incremental process of reconnecting the dots that takes many years, and I love that you're continuing to learn and grow into your 80s - what an inspiring example that it's never too late 😊
I'd like to frame that post Vicki thank you! Everything you say resonates, for myself as well as my work with clients; I am grateful to have a profession where I can or have to practice what I preach or know serves my own wellbeing. As for myself, I found through my training as a therapist and writing my dissertation that I could not do it or stay sane without having some kind of embodied practice alongside (Yoga/dance/meditation); my personal process of transformation and my main break-throughs over the years happened through a combination of therapy and dance/ mindfulness practice, which is what I now apply in my own practice; similarly, the shifts happen through the felt sense in (or outside) the therapy-room, which sometimes appears enigmatic to me (and maybe my clients). It's like a process of coming home (again) and it wants to be practiced from moment to moment. Each time I push my bodies limits (as I did with tramping and sailing over the past month) I need at least a day or two to recover. Let alone the traumas from the past the body is still recovering from, even as I move towards 60. But I agree, it is never to late to start listening and learning!
Thank you Ingrid, that is high praise indeed that you would like to frame it 😀 I probably should frame it too, to serve as a reminder to myself. It's a long, slow, and ongoing process learning to live from my body instead of just my head. And you were one of the people who influenced me in the direction of more embodiment practices, 20-odd years ago when I first met you, so thank you for being part of that journey ❤️
Vicki, That door image is so gorgeous! In one way, I'm so in tune with my body that the sensation are too intense, so I don't always pay attention. It's a weird contradiction. But I did it today. When I started feeling tired in the afternoon, I consciously decided to listen to my body and take a nap. I wasn't able to fall asleep but I'm sure it was beneficial to lay down. Thank you for writing about interoception. I want to listen to my body more.
Yes, I was so captivated by that image when I came across it 😀
That's true, sometimes the interoceptive cues can feel overwhelming. It's one of the reasons people learn to dissociate in trauma. I love Peter Levine's ideas of titration and pendulation - we can learn to dip in and dip out and moderate how much we feel and for how long - rather than all or nothing. Thanks for sharing that Sandra.
Great post, thank you! If I may I’m going to use it as a guide for an upcoming session I’m facilitating with friends. We’re all between 50 and 60 and we meet once a month to explore a topic one of us chooses. My topics will always involve dance/intuitive movement/embodiment and this article would be a great basis to jump off with them as we are all quite “heady” people so they will love a bit of explanation/homework to do;).
As humans, we really do have all the things we need to heal already inside of us, but we've just become so distanced from ourselves. I'm unfortunately one of those people who had to get sick first to notice there was something wrong and then reverse engineer it all to actually start noticing what's going on inside my body - still a work in progress too. Crazy how it's become so difficult to do something that must've come naturally to people in the past.
This is so true for me. After living in survival mode for over 60 years, I had a massive breakdown that I now refer to as a positive disintegration. I have a regular dream when I wake myself up shouting because I'm trying to get away from someone and I feel terrified. I'm on holiday and the last 3 days I've woken up feeling full of fear for no reason and I had 'the dream' last night. I've lived in my head my entire life, but have been experiencing my feelings for just over 6 years. Because those feelings seem to become more intense and frightening at times, I've felt I'm not making any progress, but I'm now wondering if my body knows it can handle bigger feelings and I'm increasing my window of tolerance. It's such a difficult journey, but I'm also feeling a little more spontaneous and playful too, so that's the upside. What a journey!
Thanks so much for sharing that Karen. Yes, I do believe as we do this work, slowly, almost imperceptibly, our window of tolerance starts to expand, and we start to have more access to joy and play as you describe. I love that term 'positive disintegration', which I haven't heard before, but may borrow 😊
I read the term positive disintegration in one of Lindsay C Gibson's books about emotionally immature parents and it resonates with me so much. I know I had to disintegrate and rebuild myself ...or maybe it's more that the real me is underneath all the facades I created to survive? It's so much more truthful than saying I had a breakdown as that sounds so passive and helpless!
Yes, I believe that underneath we are whole. The work is to strip away the layers that life has placed on top - in yogic teachings these layers are the 'koshas' that cover over our underlying essential nature 😊
Thanks, Vicki, for this excellent explanation of what I've called, instinctively, listening to the body. I'm no expert at it, but realised some years ago - during peri-menopause - that my body was trying to communicate issues to me and I could either ignore that - as I was conditioned to - or try to listen and respond. I saw, sometimes in workaholic colleagues, that if we ignore those milder warnings we become more unwell and, if ignored continuously, something serious, or even terminal, develops. I see now that this applies equally to physical, emotional or spiritual issues. Keep the insights coming!!
Thanks for sharing that Deborah. Yes, the communications definitely get a little louder during peri-menopause (and we are often encouraged just to push on through, or medicate them). I think this is probably our body's way of calling us home, after several decades of neglect! And yes, interoception is really just a fancy word for listening to the body 😀
I've been thinking about guilt today and how we sense it in our body. I appreciate your suggestion to start small, perhaps noticing where our body is in contact with a surface and notice how that feels and gradually increase our noticing. For those of us who are really in tune with our body signals it's hard to understand when someone isn't, so this is a helpful explanation.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Donna. Yes, I've learned that we don't all experience our bodies in the same way, and finding simple 'ways in' is essential for many people.
Really enjoyed reading this one Vicki. I'd never thought about how screens make us feel as if we're living outside ourselves, but it's a great way to frame it. I never feel less like myself than when I'm looking at myself interact on camera. It's such a disembodied experience. Thank you for writing and sharing your perspective. It really made me think 💕
Thank you Clare, I'm glad it struck some chords with you. And yes, screens make us so disembodied! I've learned to turn off self-view on Zoom, but still it's such heady energy...
"Heady" is the perfect word for it. I can never figure out how to turn off the "self-view" but I usually cover myself with a postit and can instantly feel my shoulders relax. All this technology will be the end of us, though I realise the irony of typing those words to you all the way on the other side of the world! 🙃
Thank you for bringing this up. I have been hearing the same reminder from many source: becoming embodied. When I was first in group therapy (55 years ago), i would hear people say "I feel this" and I feel that" -- and I said to myself: "What the F are they talking about?' What's a "feeling"? I had no idea. Over time I began connecting with my feelings -- but often (at the beginning) it was through being conscious of my behavior and working backwards -- "I'm yelling. I've been told I'm angry, so hearing myself yell, or wanting to probably means I'm angry." Somehow that worked, and I did become conscious and aware of my feelings. But it was never discussed -- that I can remember -- that these feelings were in my body. So, about 10 years ago, when I was in a (very good) personal development class (the 4th in a series of 4) the leader asked "Where do you feel that in your body?" And I was puzzled -- again. In my BODY? What is she talking about. Everyone else seemed to understand, and I felt - somehow - ashamed that I didn't know. So I couldn't even ask what she meant. She assumed we knew - and I didn't. Over the past years I've gotten better -- and began to realize that I DO feel through my body -- though I don't always understand how. The awareness is NOT through my brain -- somehow it is direct to my awareness I know sadness, anxiety, happy. Other feelings elude me. Grief is one of them -- and I have to use my mind's awareness of my physical state to say "I'm grieving" -- or "realize" that I'm grieving -- even though I can't "locate" that feeling in my body. It's a long, long (long!) road. I'm going to be 80 this year -- and grateful that I've gotten -this- far, even though I still struggle with embodiment. I'm sure my story is not uncommon -- for all the reasons you describe. So valuable. Thanks again.
Thanks so much for sharing this Jay. You are most definitely not alone, there are many people who struggle to answer when asked where they feel something in their body. It's often a slow incremental process of reconnecting the dots that takes many years, and I love that you're continuing to learn and grow into your 80s - what an inspiring example that it's never too late 😊
I'd like to frame that post Vicki thank you! Everything you say resonates, for myself as well as my work with clients; I am grateful to have a profession where I can or have to practice what I preach or know serves my own wellbeing. As for myself, I found through my training as a therapist and writing my dissertation that I could not do it or stay sane without having some kind of embodied practice alongside (Yoga/dance/meditation); my personal process of transformation and my main break-throughs over the years happened through a combination of therapy and dance/ mindfulness practice, which is what I now apply in my own practice; similarly, the shifts happen through the felt sense in (or outside) the therapy-room, which sometimes appears enigmatic to me (and maybe my clients). It's like a process of coming home (again) and it wants to be practiced from moment to moment. Each time I push my bodies limits (as I did with tramping and sailing over the past month) I need at least a day or two to recover. Let alone the traumas from the past the body is still recovering from, even as I move towards 60. But I agree, it is never to late to start listening and learning!
Thank you Ingrid, that is high praise indeed that you would like to frame it 😀 I probably should frame it too, to serve as a reminder to myself. It's a long, slow, and ongoing process learning to live from my body instead of just my head. And you were one of the people who influenced me in the direction of more embodiment practices, 20-odd years ago when I first met you, so thank you for being part of that journey ❤️
Vicki, That door image is so gorgeous! In one way, I'm so in tune with my body that the sensation are too intense, so I don't always pay attention. It's a weird contradiction. But I did it today. When I started feeling tired in the afternoon, I consciously decided to listen to my body and take a nap. I wasn't able to fall asleep but I'm sure it was beneficial to lay down. Thank you for writing about interoception. I want to listen to my body more.
Yes, I was so captivated by that image when I came across it 😀
That's true, sometimes the interoceptive cues can feel overwhelming. It's one of the reasons people learn to dissociate in trauma. I love Peter Levine's ideas of titration and pendulation - we can learn to dip in and dip out and moderate how much we feel and for how long - rather than all or nothing. Thanks for sharing that Sandra.
I like Peter Levine's approaches, too!
Great post, thank you! If I may I’m going to use it as a guide for an upcoming session I’m facilitating with friends. We’re all between 50 and 60 and we meet once a month to explore a topic one of us chooses. My topics will always involve dance/intuitive movement/embodiment and this article would be a great basis to jump off with them as we are all quite “heady” people so they will love a bit of explanation/homework to do;).
Oh yes, fabulous. Please feel free to share it. I'm so glad to hear it resonated with you Susan 😊
As humans, we really do have all the things we need to heal already inside of us, but we've just become so distanced from ourselves. I'm unfortunately one of those people who had to get sick first to notice there was something wrong and then reverse engineer it all to actually start noticing what's going on inside my body - still a work in progress too. Crazy how it's become so difficult to do something that must've come naturally to people in the past.
Me too Sophie. It took getting sick for me to really learn this stuff too. And yet, it's something we were born knowing how to do. Crazy.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments 😊
Such a powerful, important truth and place of ongoing practice, Vicki. In these chronically online times, especially. ❤️
Yep, always a work in progress for me too. Yoga has helped enormously 😊
beautiful writing Vicki - makes it such a pleasure to read & so easy to understand - not all therapists have such a gift for communication!
Oh thank you so much Catherine, that is lovely feedback 😊
This is so true for me. After living in survival mode for over 60 years, I had a massive breakdown that I now refer to as a positive disintegration. I have a regular dream when I wake myself up shouting because I'm trying to get away from someone and I feel terrified. I'm on holiday and the last 3 days I've woken up feeling full of fear for no reason and I had 'the dream' last night. I've lived in my head my entire life, but have been experiencing my feelings for just over 6 years. Because those feelings seem to become more intense and frightening at times, I've felt I'm not making any progress, but I'm now wondering if my body knows it can handle bigger feelings and I'm increasing my window of tolerance. It's such a difficult journey, but I'm also feeling a little more spontaneous and playful too, so that's the upside. What a journey!
Karen
Thanks so much for sharing that Karen. Yes, I do believe as we do this work, slowly, almost imperceptibly, our window of tolerance starts to expand, and we start to have more access to joy and play as you describe. I love that term 'positive disintegration', which I haven't heard before, but may borrow 😊
I read the term positive disintegration in one of Lindsay C Gibson's books about emotionally immature parents and it resonates with me so much. I know I had to disintegrate and rebuild myself ...or maybe it's more that the real me is underneath all the facades I created to survive? It's so much more truthful than saying I had a breakdown as that sounds so passive and helpless!
Yes, I believe that underneath we are whole. The work is to strip away the layers that life has placed on top - in yogic teachings these layers are the 'koshas' that cover over our underlying essential nature 😊
Thanks, Vicki, for this excellent explanation of what I've called, instinctively, listening to the body. I'm no expert at it, but realised some years ago - during peri-menopause - that my body was trying to communicate issues to me and I could either ignore that - as I was conditioned to - or try to listen and respond. I saw, sometimes in workaholic colleagues, that if we ignore those milder warnings we become more unwell and, if ignored continuously, something serious, or even terminal, develops. I see now that this applies equally to physical, emotional or spiritual issues. Keep the insights coming!!
Thanks for sharing that Deborah. Yes, the communications definitely get a little louder during peri-menopause (and we are often encouraged just to push on through, or medicate them). I think this is probably our body's way of calling us home, after several decades of neglect! And yes, interoception is really just a fancy word for listening to the body 😀
I've been thinking about guilt today and how we sense it in our body. I appreciate your suggestion to start small, perhaps noticing where our body is in contact with a surface and notice how that feels and gradually increase our noticing. For those of us who are really in tune with our body signals it's hard to understand when someone isn't, so this is a helpful explanation.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Donna. Yes, I've learned that we don't all experience our bodies in the same way, and finding simple 'ways in' is essential for many people.
This is so so so good! Thank you.
Thanks Jeremy 😊
Really enjoyed reading this one Vicki. I'd never thought about how screens make us feel as if we're living outside ourselves, but it's a great way to frame it. I never feel less like myself than when I'm looking at myself interact on camera. It's such a disembodied experience. Thank you for writing and sharing your perspective. It really made me think 💕
Thank you Clare, I'm glad it struck some chords with you. And yes, screens make us so disembodied! I've learned to turn off self-view on Zoom, but still it's such heady energy...
"Heady" is the perfect word for it. I can never figure out how to turn off the "self-view" but I usually cover myself with a postit and can instantly feel my shoulders relax. All this technology will be the end of us, though I realise the irony of typing those words to you all the way on the other side of the world! 🙃
Yep, my addiction to Substack is definitely not helping 🙃
Love the imagery of taking the internal elevator down from the mind into the body!
Thanks Eliza. I'm sure I have borrowed that from someone else, but can't remember who - maybe Scott Lyons? 🤔
Really interesting to read this Vicki!
Planting a seed 🌱 for a dive into interojection next - I learned about it last year and found it really fascinating!
That's great Natasha, glad it planted a seed 😀
Just love this piece …. How was a taught to leave ourselves and have to learn how to return… really beautiful piece of writing
Oh thank you so much Alana, that’s lovely to hear 😊
Love this so much! Getting back in touch with our bodies- the stories it wants to tell us. Love it. 🙏🏽🤍
Thank you Karen, I'm glad to hear it resonated with you 😊