I have done an incredible amount of work on emotional regulation. I’ve had to get this far in my healing. It was the gateway taking me from where I once was (severely ill) to where I am now (mostly well, symptoms and pain only mild and few).
It’s the greatest gift to be able to hold space for others. I’ve just been to visit my 93yo nana and interviewed her for keris fox decades series on finances. She cried her eyes out with sadness reminiscing over my grandad who died 6 years ago. 6 months after losing their son (my dad).
I can’t wait for the rest of the world to catch up on normalising witnessing someone’s grief and being ok with it.
No matter how long it takes, I know it’s coming 🙏🥲
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the world could do this? I think it might just be the beginning of world peace!! Glad to hear it has helped so much with your recovery journey Amber 😊
Absolutely. There would be no more war because with emotional regulation you realise that conflict begins within. We must first heal it within ourselves to see the change this world so greatly needs.
Thank you, this is so helpful and confirms all the little lessons I’ve been learning along the way to try to regulate my sometimes very powerful emotions. I will be referring back to this post often!
What a perfect time to read such an important article regarding the spectrum of coping styles when dealing with family dynamics, disappointment, and wanting things to be different this time of year. It's a good reminder to stay on the middle path to avoid going too far in one direction. Let things just flow and watch it pass. Thank you!
I love every word of this letter. "It is the medicine the world needs more of." May we teach this by example. Approach our emotions as an ally. Remember that silence is not danger. Learn to communicate better. Speak about emotions in our family, at school.
This feels so appropriate as I launch my 2nd children's book, Happy & Sad FunBook for your emotions. I have put so much of my practice into this book. Thank you for sharing this wisdom.
Oh how wonderful Danni - I love that you're writing these books for kids ❤ It is one of the most important teachings, that children get so little of! And thanks for your kind comments 🙏
Valuable article. I have been taking a course on Relational Spirituality by Dr Todd Hall of Biola recently. Thanks for this article—you did a great job.
Everything you said in this article resonates. I have the good fortune of finally finding a therapist who is able to help me access my stuffed up feelings through "focusing" and other modalities, and her warm witnessing helps me express my feelings without self censorship.
This is lovely and so useful. There is however a lot of merit in also teaching people how not to ruminate. There’s a lot of over investment in negativity that’s also resulting from that.
I was deeply caught up in secondary emotions yesterday and appreciate this guidance so much! I think what I find most difficult is when I’m flooded with anger and a sense of injustice - even just from being misunderstood or not being seen, heard, or judged accurately.
Because I tend to yo-yo between distracting myself with work and disappearing into strong emotions, I’ve put daily practices in place to disrupt both patterns (seated meditation, most of all). BUT sometimes the current of the story feels too powerful for me to break no matter how hard I try. In those moments, I’ll consciously distract myself with work, studies, or yoga long enough to shift and temper the hormonal flooding. If that doesn’t work (or sometimes in combination), I consciously cultivate grief and sadness, especially related to the person I’m angry with. I find this diffuses my rage and allows me to understand the real source of my anger more clearly. From there, the story loop and secondary messaging soften.
No surprise, I find intellectualizing this way easier than being caught in the thick of it. 😅 Always grateful for your wise insights and guidance, Vicki. ❤️
Wow, thanks Dana for those insightful comments on your own process. So important to find ways to interrupt the patterns when we get caught in them. For me, the shortcut is usually to find where the emotion resides in my body, and move out of my head. Movement often helps too, which is part of the reason I fell in love with yoga. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences here 🙏
Thanks for your thoughtful words,Vicki. Ironically my job involves working alongside Primary Teachers to help students learn co-regulation and self-regulation (identifying emotions, where in the body they may be 'felt' and safe strategies to use,when needed). After a particularly challenging year personally, I have found that I tend to avoid acknowleging and expressing my own difficult emotions.
Thanks for articulating very clearly what I experience in the room with my therapist, and how vital this work is. Only wish more people were able to access this support easily.
I have done an incredible amount of work on emotional regulation. I’ve had to get this far in my healing. It was the gateway taking me from where I once was (severely ill) to where I am now (mostly well, symptoms and pain only mild and few).
It’s the greatest gift to be able to hold space for others. I’ve just been to visit my 93yo nana and interviewed her for keris fox decades series on finances. She cried her eyes out with sadness reminiscing over my grandad who died 6 years ago. 6 months after losing their son (my dad).
I can’t wait for the rest of the world to catch up on normalising witnessing someone’s grief and being ok with it.
No matter how long it takes, I know it’s coming 🙏🥲
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the world could do this? I think it might just be the beginning of world peace!! Glad to hear it has helped so much with your recovery journey Amber 😊
Absolutely. There would be no more war because with emotional regulation you realise that conflict begins within. We must first heal it within ourselves to see the change this world so greatly needs.
Thank you, this is so helpful and confirms all the little lessons I’ve been learning along the way to try to regulate my sometimes very powerful emotions. I will be referring back to this post often!
That's great to hear Jennifer, I'm so glad it resonated with you 😊
What a perfect time to read such an important article regarding the spectrum of coping styles when dealing with family dynamics, disappointment, and wanting things to be different this time of year. It's a good reminder to stay on the middle path to avoid going too far in one direction. Let things just flow and watch it pass. Thank you!
Yes, so true, everything does seem to ramp up at this time of year! I'm glad it was useful Mary. Thanks for reading and commenting 😊
Wow, Vicki, so well written and right on. You say just what needs to said and not a word more, and that’s what makes this so impactful. Thank you!
Thanks for your kind comment Don, that means a lot coming from you 😊
So good Vicki. We all cope and it’s amazing when someone like yourself identifies in simple terms how we do it.
I’m writing tomorrow on our codependent culture—how we “fuse” as you describe—but with others at cost to ourselves.
Thanks Dee, and I look forward to reading your piece too 😊
Beautifully, gently written and visually pleasing. Thank you for sharing your writing with us. I very much enjoyed this piece <3
Thank you Laurie, that is lovely to hear 😊
I love every word of this letter. "It is the medicine the world needs more of." May we teach this by example. Approach our emotions as an ally. Remember that silence is not danger. Learn to communicate better. Speak about emotions in our family, at school.
This feels so appropriate as I launch my 2nd children's book, Happy & Sad FunBook for your emotions. I have put so much of my practice into this book. Thank you for sharing this wisdom.
xo Danni
Oh how wonderful Danni - I love that you're writing these books for kids ❤ It is one of the most important teachings, that children get so little of! And thanks for your kind comments 🙏
Valuable article. I have been taking a course on Relational Spirituality by Dr Todd Hall of Biola recently. Thanks for this article—you did a great job.
Thanks for your kind comments Susan 😊
You’re welcome. Appreciate you.
Everything you said in this article resonates. I have the good fortune of finally finding a therapist who is able to help me access my stuffed up feelings through "focusing" and other modalities, and her warm witnessing helps me express my feelings without self censorship.
That is fabulous to hear Lily. I'm glad you've found someone who's a great fit for you 😊
This is lovely and so useful. There is however a lot of merit in also teaching people how not to ruminate. There’s a lot of over investment in negativity that’s also resulting from that.
Yes, I agree Reena. Interrupting cycles of rumination is very helpful - this is so often where we get stuck in an emotion.
I was deeply caught up in secondary emotions yesterday and appreciate this guidance so much! I think what I find most difficult is when I’m flooded with anger and a sense of injustice - even just from being misunderstood or not being seen, heard, or judged accurately.
Because I tend to yo-yo between distracting myself with work and disappearing into strong emotions, I’ve put daily practices in place to disrupt both patterns (seated meditation, most of all). BUT sometimes the current of the story feels too powerful for me to break no matter how hard I try. In those moments, I’ll consciously distract myself with work, studies, or yoga long enough to shift and temper the hormonal flooding. If that doesn’t work (or sometimes in combination), I consciously cultivate grief and sadness, especially related to the person I’m angry with. I find this diffuses my rage and allows me to understand the real source of my anger more clearly. From there, the story loop and secondary messaging soften.
No surprise, I find intellectualizing this way easier than being caught in the thick of it. 😅 Always grateful for your wise insights and guidance, Vicki. ❤️
Wow, thanks Dana for those insightful comments on your own process. So important to find ways to interrupt the patterns when we get caught in them. For me, the shortcut is usually to find where the emotion resides in my body, and move out of my head. Movement often helps too, which is part of the reason I fell in love with yoga. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences here 🙏
Thanks for your thoughtful words,Vicki. Ironically my job involves working alongside Primary Teachers to help students learn co-regulation and self-regulation (identifying emotions, where in the body they may be 'felt' and safe strategies to use,when needed). After a particularly challenging year personally, I have found that I tend to avoid acknowleging and expressing my own difficult emotions.
Your article is very timely.
I'm so glad to hear it was helpful Andrea. And yes, I'm sure you'll be feeling it as the year comes to an end! Wishing you an easeful break 🙏
Thanks for articulating very clearly what I experience in the room with my therapist, and how vital this work is. Only wish more people were able to access this support easily.
Yes! That is my wish too Liberty. Thanks for commenting and sharing this post 😊
One by one… we are the change we need to be and see….
Absolutely 😀
Love this article . So much wisdom and support in the space of emotional intelligence. Thank you for opening this conversation.🙏🏻✨😊
As Blaise Pascal said :
“ All of humanities problems, stem from man’s/ and woman’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Thanks Tamy, and I love this quote. So true I think 😊
This is so very good! Thank you. ❤️
Thank you Lila 😊
What a lovely description of what happens in therapy.
Thank you Gail 😊