The word I would most like to erase from the English language

You are not LAZY

Image by Francesco Gallarotti on Unsplash

If I could erase just one word from the English language, I would hit delete on the word LAZY.

I hear this word over and over in my therapy room, as clients berate themselves for their perceived failings, and I’ve heard this word over and over from my own highly active internal critic.

However, my years in the therapy room have led me to believe that laziness does not actually exist.

Let me explain.

The dictionary defines the word ‘lazy’ as meaning ‘unwilling to work or use energy’.

We tend to level this word at ourselves (or at others) when we are inactive or not moving forward in some direction that we perceive we should be. When we are not staying on top of chores, or self-care, or failing to meet some internally or externally imposed timeframe. When all we want to do is lie on the couch.

But do we pause long enough to ask the all-important question of why?

When humans are rested and regulated, when they’re fed and well, when their nervous systems are in balance, there is a natural vibrancy and energy that arises. An internal vitality, curiosity, creativity and generativity. This is our natural state of being. This is our underlying essence. This is the life force energy that runs through all of us (in the yoga tradition, known as prana). When this energy is flowing freely, we are inspired to do things in the world – to contribute, to connect, to create.

If we cannot access this state, it’s because something is blocking or obscuring that natural state.

This might be exhaustion, or depression, or grief. It might be physical illness, loneliness, or overwhelm. It might be the after-effects of trauma - the dissociated shut-down state that is the dorsal vagal branch of the nervous system, that protects us by disconnecting us from outside threats and conserving our energy. It might be that we have a deficiency in iron or B12 or thyroid hormones. It might be that we’re not living in alignment with our needs or we find ourselves in an environment that does not support us to thrive.

When plants are withering and struggling to grow, we do not label them lazy. Instead, we get curious about their environment – Do they need water? Sunlight? Shade? Are they missing some vital nutrient? Do they have a disease? We recognise that if we can balance their environment, if we can give them what they need, they will likely return to their natural state of growth and thriving. In short, we don’t blame them, we get curious.

We are not so different from plants.

Somehow we miss this when we look at humans, and especially when we look at ourselves. When we’re tired, instead of asking ourselves if we need rest, we try to prop ourselves up and push on through. In doing so, we deplete ourselves even more, moving further and further away from thriving.

Earlier this year, I hit a patch of exhaustion. I found myself in a not-unfamiliar state where I mostly wanted to stay home, sleep and read books. To potter around my garden and not see people. My inner critic was quick to jump in with the ‘L’ word, especially if I glanced at social media and saw what everyone else seemed to be doing with their summer. For a few weeks, I stayed very small and did very little. But then something started to happen around the 2-3 week mark. I started to get bored. I started to want more. I started to get curious about the outside world, I started to find sparks of ideas for projects. What we find is, when we have topped up the tank sufficiently, this natural curiosity and generativity starts to return. It does not have to be forced and we do not have to search for it. When the conditions are right, it spontaneously arises. Just like when the conditions are right for a plant, it starts to bloom. And if it’s not there yet? Well, that is a sign that there’s still more recovery work needed. That there’s still something blocking that flow. There are times when a two-week break is nowhere near enough.

Teens often get a bad rap with the word lazy. If your teen is lying on the couch or sleeping til noon, perhaps their body is exhausted from the massive hormonal upheaval and physiological shifts that are taking place (not dissimilar to those we go through at menopause). Perhaps they are overwhelmed by the relentless demands of school, the complexities of peer relationships, and trying to figure out their identity in the world.

In the therapy room, I approach those low-energy states as a mystery to get curious about. As a search for the missing piece that will reconnect someone back to the innate wellspring of their lifeforce energy.

We tend to treat laziness as if it is a personality trait, a characterological flaw. But in several decades of working with people therapeutically, I can tell you that I’ve yet to meet a lazy person.

Maybe you are tired, maybe you are sick, maybe you’re depleted, or sad. But I’m here to tell you, you are definitely not lazy.

Lazy is a word derived from a capitalist culture that only recognises value in our productivity, our capacity to function as a cog in the machinery of money-making enterprises.

Lazy skirts over the socio-political effects of our environment - the effects of poverty, oppression and trauma, and places blame with the individual.

Lazy obscures the nuances and complexities of the human journey. It dismisses our own or another’s experience and closes down curiosity.

Lazy fails to recognise that rest is a necessary and underrated resource, essential to our well-being and thriving.

Lazy is a judgement, not a description. It tells us nothing useful about a person.

Lazy is an unimaginative and unempathic way of looking at ourselves or others.

Can we collectively agree to banish this word from our vocabularies? I’m starting the campaign. Perhaps you will join me?

Who in your life needs to hear this right now? Please share to spread the message, and hit the 🤍 button to let me know if this has been useful. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below (if you’re reading this in an email, click through to the website to join the conversation).