I would have a different view Eva. I agree sometimes when energy is low, it's very hard to 'get started'. Many times this is because people are stuck in the dorsal vagal branch of the nervous system. They may sometimes need therapy, medication or another type of support to shift out of there. Sadly, the way we have structured our world often does not give people the ability to take the rest they need. This is not the fault of the individual, but a societal-level problem we need to address. It starts to get political at this point - sick leave policies, childcare provisions and financial support all come into play. It's complex and nuanced, but in my opinion none of it is laziness.... Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
It took me YEARS to drop the guilt & shame that blanketed me if I ever slowed down and stopped all the striving. I still default to the “doing” mode but I now can recognize when it is depleting me and get curious. I allow rest and it always circulates new energy and ideas.
Yes, so true. Rest is so important and so underrated - and misunderstood (I've written before about how we sit in front of blue light devices and kid ourselves that we're resting!)
Agreed, Vicki. While I don't use the word "lazy" often, I DO find myself saying to my partner: "I feel like I wasted a day. I feel like I didn't get enough done." And pretty much any time I say that, it's a Saturday or Sunday! I'd never hold anyone else to the imaginary standards to which I hold myself, that's for sure.
Look at deciduous trees. In spring they put forth leaves and maybe flowers. Summer they hang out. End of summer maybe produce fruits. Then their leaves drop. They rest ALL winter. Are trees lazy????
I grew up with the very strong impression that, among my many failings, I was unfathomably, exceptionally lazy. I disappointed so many people in my inability to keep a place tidy, do my homework, and live up to my "potential"
This escalated hugely when I became self employed, and I would have days, weeks even when I felt incapable of doing what needed to be done, and would beat myself up with a savagery that I would never level at someone else.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019, at the age of 46, but still I treated myself as if I should be able to function like some sort of machine, berating myself when I inevitably failed.
The depression that was always there made itself loudly obvious at the start of the year, and I've had no choice but to admit defeat, and allow myself to rest. And now I can clearly see how much I've been hurting myself and trying to shame myself out of the "laziness" that was, in reality, stress, overwhelm, anxiety, depression and exhaustion.
And even though I know all this now, the L word still shows up, and I have to work quite hard sometimes to remind myself that I'm not, and that rest is probably literally saving me from an early grave right now. Capitalism has got a LOT to answer for!
Thanks for your open and honest sharing Esther. I think this is a common story, and so sad that people are often not getting the support they need and the understanding of what's going on. I'm so glad to hear this is changing for you and wishing you well in your journey with it all
As a woman recently diagnosed with ADHD, who no one thought of as lazy but constantly called herself lazy, I have been trying to get this word OUT of my self-talk. I have an treatable but incurable neurodevelopmental disorder. My worth cannot hinge on my productivity, and I have learned at the halfway point of my short life that I have to rest and recharge or I suffer the consequences.
Great point on how Laziness is unempathetic. It ignores the person and focuses on the product of their time.
Yet if we ignore the person, we cannot know what the time meant.
If cleaning is a coping mechanism, does them coping with stress by cleaning make them more or less lazy? The answer is vague because the characteristic of laziness becomes irrelevant when it’s personal.
It is so well written and said.. I totally agree with you. No one is lazy but with given right conditions and environment we will be able to thrive well like the plants. :) Thank you, I enjoyed the article and reading. :)
I feel all of this. I’ve used the word against myself to will me do things when my body was telling me to rest. Our society does not value self care and rest. Just like you mentioned, the goal of capitalism is to squeeze every thing out of you and then discard you. There will always be be more work to do. Thank you for this reminder.
Such a good point! It has become something of a family joke for us as years ago 'they might just be lazy' was often one of the possible explanations for why one of our children didn't seem particularly motivated for a while. It seemed so obvious that it was about something else. Finding that something else is hard but thinking they might be lazy just seemed... a bit lazy
Haha!! Now that's a thought! Is there such a thing as lazy thinking? I might come down in favour on that one especially related to our current government! But I'm sure there'd be reasons for a lazy brain. Lack of exercise/challenge? Compromised by over-active emotions or ego?
With folks in the neurodivergent spectrum ( I know from personal experience- me and my sons), lazy was written on school reports, stubborn or the opposite- overactive, etc. Teachers can sometimes write off students early on instead of investigating what is lacking, what is going on internally and externally. I can be obsessed and hyper focused or filled with dread and anxiety depending on what I’m expected to learn, do, etc.
Overwhelm happens A LOT. So, I’ve learned to take things in steps, bites, etc rather than trying to overdo and overthink. I am much more productive when I’m NOt multitasking. And if flow happens, I go with it. And much more forgiving of days where I didn’t accomplish what I originally wanted. Especially as perimenopause is currently a factor in fatigue, brain fog, etc
An acquaintance of mine who is a nurse in a nursing home told me she has heard “successful “ people tell her as they were dying that they wasted a lot of time pursuing security versus real connections, enjoyment, etc. They worked very hard, but never knew how to just be. I think humans need “lazy”
time to dream, be in the moment of what is going on around them, appreciate the ones they love, be in awe and wonder. Thanks for writing this!
I also hate the word lazy. Usually it means you are exhausted and need to rest. It's incredibly unkind to use this word toward anyone, but especially yourself.
I love this so much! “When plants are withering and struggling to grow, we do not label them lazy. Instead, we get curious about their environment – Do they need water? Sunlight? Shade?”
The first time I was in therapy over 20 years ago I told my therapist I thought I was lazy, and I still remember how it felt to hear her say, “You are not lazy.” I think I cried. I was being treated for depression, and now, although I haven’t been formally diagnosed, I know that I have ADHD. I also know there were things in my environment that needed to be adjusted.
I would have a different view Eva. I agree sometimes when energy is low, it's very hard to 'get started'. Many times this is because people are stuck in the dorsal vagal branch of the nervous system. They may sometimes need therapy, medication or another type of support to shift out of there. Sadly, the way we have structured our world often does not give people the ability to take the rest they need. This is not the fault of the individual, but a societal-level problem we need to address. It starts to get political at this point - sick leave policies, childcare provisions and financial support all come into play. It's complex and nuanced, but in my opinion none of it is laziness.... Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
It took me YEARS to drop the guilt & shame that blanketed me if I ever slowed down and stopped all the striving. I still default to the “doing” mode but I now can recognize when it is depleting me and get curious. I allow rest and it always circulates new energy and ideas.
Thank you for writing this! 🙏🏼
Thanks for your comments Allison. It is a little crazy how averse we are to the idea of rest and slow living in western capitalist culture!
Thank you!
We have become human doings instead of human beings...
The rat race and that feeling that I have to prove my selfworth...
We seem to have forgotten how important reflection and sniffing those roses are to our mental health.
Our systems are meant to keep us in survival mode... people in survival mode don't think peoperly.. they are easily manipulated and distracted.
Yes, so true. Rest is so important and so underrated - and misunderstood (I've written before about how we sit in front of blue light devices and kid ourselves that we're resting!)
Agreed, Vicki. While I don't use the word "lazy" often, I DO find myself saying to my partner: "I feel like I wasted a day. I feel like I didn't get enough done." And pretty much any time I say that, it's a Saturday or Sunday! I'd never hold anyone else to the imaginary standards to which I hold myself, that's for sure.
Yes! I hear you Dana. That's a common phrase in my mind too. Why are we so programmed to think that resting is a 'waste'?!
Look at deciduous trees. In spring they put forth leaves and maybe flowers. Summer they hang out. End of summer maybe produce fruits. Then their leaves drop. They rest ALL winter. Are trees lazy????
Yes, indeed. Nature can teach us so much 😊
I grew up with the very strong impression that, among my many failings, I was unfathomably, exceptionally lazy. I disappointed so many people in my inability to keep a place tidy, do my homework, and live up to my "potential"
This escalated hugely when I became self employed, and I would have days, weeks even when I felt incapable of doing what needed to be done, and would beat myself up with a savagery that I would never level at someone else.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019, at the age of 46, but still I treated myself as if I should be able to function like some sort of machine, berating myself when I inevitably failed.
The depression that was always there made itself loudly obvious at the start of the year, and I've had no choice but to admit defeat, and allow myself to rest. And now I can clearly see how much I've been hurting myself and trying to shame myself out of the "laziness" that was, in reality, stress, overwhelm, anxiety, depression and exhaustion.
And even though I know all this now, the L word still shows up, and I have to work quite hard sometimes to remind myself that I'm not, and that rest is probably literally saving me from an early grave right now. Capitalism has got a LOT to answer for!
Thanks for your open and honest sharing Esther. I think this is a common story, and so sad that people are often not getting the support they need and the understanding of what's going on. I'm so glad to hear this is changing for you and wishing you well in your journey with it all
As a woman recently diagnosed with ADHD, who no one thought of as lazy but constantly called herself lazy, I have been trying to get this word OUT of my self-talk. I have an treatable but incurable neurodevelopmental disorder. My worth cannot hinge on my productivity, and I have learned at the halfway point of my short life that I have to rest and recharge or I suffer the consequences.
Glad to hear you're finding compassion for yourself and your journey Kari 😊
Great point on how Laziness is unempathetic. It ignores the person and focuses on the product of their time.
Yet if we ignore the person, we cannot know what the time meant.
If cleaning is a coping mechanism, does them coping with stress by cleaning make them more or less lazy? The answer is vague because the characteristic of laziness becomes irrelevant when it’s personal.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Christopher.
It is so well written and said.. I totally agree with you. No one is lazy but with given right conditions and environment we will be able to thrive well like the plants. :) Thank you, I enjoyed the article and reading. :)
Thanks Joyce, I'm so glad to hear it resonated with you.
Thanks Dr Vicki Connop and you are welcome. It's a very nice article. :)
I feel all of this. I’ve used the word against myself to will me do things when my body was telling me to rest. Our society does not value self care and rest. Just like you mentioned, the goal of capitalism is to squeeze every thing out of you and then discard you. There will always be be more work to do. Thank you for this reminder.
Thanks for your comments Marc. It feels like a radical and revolutionary act to prioritise rest in this world!
Such a good point! It has become something of a family joke for us as years ago 'they might just be lazy' was often one of the possible explanations for why one of our children didn't seem particularly motivated for a while. It seemed so obvious that it was about something else. Finding that something else is hard but thinking they might be lazy just seemed... a bit lazy
Yes indeed, the judgement lazy is a bit lazy.... a few people have made that observation 😂
I'm totally with you, Vicki. Many times in the past I've thought: Is there really such a thingas lazy? I've never found it. Your article says it all.
I've never found it either! Thanks Deborah. Though, as someone else pointed out, perhaps judging people lazy is in fact lazy 🙃
Haha!! Now that's a thought! Is there such a thing as lazy thinking? I might come down in favour on that one especially related to our current government! But I'm sure there'd be reasons for a lazy brain. Lack of exercise/challenge? Compromised by over-active emotions or ego?
Yes, indeed. Always a reason. Humans never choose to be lazy...
Agreed. That word is such a weapon and really tells us nothing about what is going on and how to help.
Yes, absolutely!
With folks in the neurodivergent spectrum ( I know from personal experience- me and my sons), lazy was written on school reports, stubborn or the opposite- overactive, etc. Teachers can sometimes write off students early on instead of investigating what is lacking, what is going on internally and externally. I can be obsessed and hyper focused or filled with dread and anxiety depending on what I’m expected to learn, do, etc.
Overwhelm happens A LOT. So, I’ve learned to take things in steps, bites, etc rather than trying to overdo and overthink. I am much more productive when I’m NOt multitasking. And if flow happens, I go with it. And much more forgiving of days where I didn’t accomplish what I originally wanted. Especially as perimenopause is currently a factor in fatigue, brain fog, etc
An acquaintance of mine who is a nurse in a nursing home told me she has heard “successful “ people tell her as they were dying that they wasted a lot of time pursuing security versus real connections, enjoyment, etc. They worked very hard, but never knew how to just be. I think humans need “lazy”
time to dream, be in the moment of what is going on around them, appreciate the ones they love, be in awe and wonder. Thanks for writing this!
Thanks for sharing your experiences Jen. I love that - let's reclaim the word 'lazy' as a positive thing.... how revolutionary 😃
I also hate the word lazy. Usually it means you are exhausted and need to rest. It's incredibly unkind to use this word toward anyone, but especially yourself.
Absolutely Janine. I'm glad to hear it resonated 😊
I love this so much! “When plants are withering and struggling to grow, we do not label them lazy. Instead, we get curious about their environment – Do they need water? Sunlight? Shade?”
The first time I was in therapy over 20 years ago I told my therapist I thought I was lazy, and I still remember how it felt to hear her say, “You are not lazy.” I think I cried. I was being treated for depression, and now, although I haven’t been formally diagnosed, I know that I have ADHD. I also know there were things in my environment that needed to be adjusted.
Thanks for sharing this Jennifer. Yes, depression is most definitely not laziness, and nor is ADHD. This seems to resonate with so many people.