Very wise words, although I don't have the ups and downs of experience with loads of men to draw on. I met my husband at age 19, we married when I was 21 and we are still happily together 60 years later. But the importance of liking the man/woman/whatever in your life cannot be emphasised enough. It keeps you going through everything – sickness, health and pandemic lockdowns – because you enjoy each others' company. In my view, very few young people really know what love means because it needs to grow over the years. They can have liking, lust and much else besides and hopefully some glimmer of the love that is to come. It takes time and maturity to develop, like a fine wine.
Oh yes, I love this perspective Ann, and very much agree that love takes time to deepen and develop. As you say, it's probably more accurate to call those early stages lust/attraction/attachment. We tend to over-use the word love to mean too many different things 😊
I so wish I'd heard and taken these to heart long ago! I think even if I knew some of them intellectually, I didn't really "get" them until very recently (like the past few years, from age 45 on). "People can only treat you as badly as you let them" is probably the one my younger self most needed.
Great advice! I loved "...Our task is to figure out whether we want to spend a huge amount of our time and resources investing in this person – it’s not the kind of job where just anyone will do."
I don't know how to write you except by commenting here, but I just wanted to thank you for re-stacking the passage from my piece on the vulva – it is now the first item on the Substack email setting out a few Notes from the week! So perhaps with your help we will have "the word 'vulva' all over the net." (your words, approximately). What a laugh.
Oh I wish I’d heard these words much sooner, especially about focusing less on whether I like them! 😖 But I may not have listened to someone saying this to me when I was in the weeds during some past romantic relationships
Very wise words, although I don't have the ups and downs of experience with loads of men to draw on. I met my husband at age 19, we married when I was 21 and we are still happily together 60 years later. But the importance of liking the man/woman/whatever in your life cannot be emphasised enough. It keeps you going through everything – sickness, health and pandemic lockdowns – because you enjoy each others' company. In my view, very few young people really know what love means because it needs to grow over the years. They can have liking, lust and much else besides and hopefully some glimmer of the love that is to come. It takes time and maturity to develop, like a fine wine.
Oh yes, I love this perspective Ann, and very much agree that love takes time to deepen and develop. As you say, it's probably more accurate to call those early stages lust/attraction/attachment. We tend to over-use the word love to mean too many different things 😊
I so wish I'd heard and taken these to heart long ago! I think even if I knew some of them intellectually, I didn't really "get" them until very recently (like the past few years, from age 45 on). "People can only treat you as badly as you let them" is probably the one my younger self most needed.
Me too, and reassuring to hear that I wasn't the only one who took a few decades for this to really sink in 😊
Lovely post, such wise words. I particularly loved this “ People tell you who they are when you meet them” 🧡
Thanks Lucy - and yes, it's amazing how we sometimes talk ourselves out of noticing what is right underneath our noses! 😊
Great advice! I loved "...Our task is to figure out whether we want to spend a huge amount of our time and resources investing in this person – it’s not the kind of job where just anyone will do."
Oh the energy my younger self poured into the wrong directions! 🫣
I’ve loved this and part one, I wish I’d been taught this in my early 20’s!
Yes, me too!!
I don't know how to write you except by commenting here, but I just wanted to thank you for re-stacking the passage from my piece on the vulva – it is now the first item on the Substack email setting out a few Notes from the week! So perhaps with your help we will have "the word 'vulva' all over the net." (your words, approximately). What a laugh.
No problems Ann 😀 Go the vulva!
Oh I wish I’d heard these words much sooner, especially about focusing less on whether I like them! 😖 But I may not have listened to someone saying this to me when I was in the weeds during some past romantic relationships
Yes, absolutely. Me too 😊