Love this and agree with so much of what you’ve written. So many people chase the high of the honeymoon period, but the love after that is deeper, more enduring.
Yes, that honeymoon high is almost like a drug I think - it distracts us from ourselves and reality for a while, but it's not always very grounded or sustainable...
Love this, Vicki. I'm remarried to my ex-husband, and we just celebrated the 10th anniversary of our first marriage (and 3rd anniversary of our second). Our relationship felt "best" to me at two points (so far): 1. when we first got together, 2. right now.
THIS has been a game changer for me (and probably him as well): "Part of my personal journey has been learning not to jump to defensiveness when my partner raises an issue. To listen, acknowledge the parts that are true, apologise and make change where needed, whilst simultaneously holding onto my self-worth and my own perspective, and not disappearing into a rabbit warren of shame and unworthiness."
Insightful article Vicki. I would add the importance of finding ways to have fun together. Too often, being a couple means a focus of ticking the boxes of life admin (work, housework, kids etc.) and the spark that attracted you to the other person is sacrificed to getting stuff done each day. Having seperate stuff is important but for us at least, having fun things we like to do together keeps the relationship fresh, and us connected.
I love this Vicki. It is important to have chemistry. After 45 years of marriage we are fortunate enough to still have it. Also, we are best friends. We have had many challenges over the years but when unconditional love exists we have got through. Love is enduring. ❤️❤️
Hi Vicki, you could be describing my own relationship, almost 13 years on. My younger self would be totally surprised as I had to work really hard to get a place where I could have such a loving relationship. All your points are spot on. I’ve also found that kindness is underrated in relationships. Anyway keep up the great work 😊
Thanks for your comments Karla, I'm so glad to hear it resonates with you and I 100% agree about kindness - it's so basic, and yet sometimes we still need to learn this! 😊
Nov 7, 2023·edited Nov 7, 2023Liked by Dr Vicki Connop
Absolutely. You really need to be mindful of it, like a practice. It’s not a given no matter how much you love someone. And I guess it’s forgiving yourself when you’re not because we’re all human at the end of the day!
I am a songwriter and I am going to copy this post and subscribe to your Stack.
I promise I will borrow ideas for new songs.
The only thing I have now that is germane:
Two old lovers in a bind
Two old lovers
Heads in the sand
Each one wishing
the other'd understand
Two old lovers
in the same old scene
They fight over spilled milk
And throw away the cream
Two old lovers
Oh darling can't you see
That those two old lovers
Might be you and me
Two old lovers
Hesitant to speak
Their passions are strong
But their patience is weak
Two old lovers
Staring eye to eye
Don't want to blink
Sure don't want to cry
Two old lovers
Darling can't you see
That those two old lovers
They are you and me
Two young lovers
Oh we were fire and ice
Meeting in the middle
Used to be so nice
There got to be some brand new magic
I surely hope we can find
or otherwise honey we're just
two old lovers in a bind
Malcolm McKinney 2023
Oh I love this Malcom ❤ Thanks for sharing it (and subscribing), and I look forward to checking out your Stack too 😀
Love this and agree with so much of what you’ve written. So many people chase the high of the honeymoon period, but the love after that is deeper, more enduring.
Yes, that honeymoon high is almost like a drug I think - it distracts us from ourselves and reality for a while, but it's not always very grounded or sustainable...
Such wise words—I’m going to search my spam because I haven’t been receiving your post!
Oh no. That's annoying! 😕
I just found them, along with two important emails from friends that shouldn’t be there and other people’s substacks too!
Love this, Vicki. I'm remarried to my ex-husband, and we just celebrated the 10th anniversary of our first marriage (and 3rd anniversary of our second). Our relationship felt "best" to me at two points (so far): 1. when we first got together, 2. right now.
THIS has been a game changer for me (and probably him as well): "Part of my personal journey has been learning not to jump to defensiveness when my partner raises an issue. To listen, acknowledge the parts that are true, apologise and make change where needed, whilst simultaneously holding onto my self-worth and my own perspective, and not disappearing into a rabbit warren of shame and unworthiness."
Insightful article Vicki. I would add the importance of finding ways to have fun together. Too often, being a couple means a focus of ticking the boxes of life admin (work, housework, kids etc.) and the spark that attracted you to the other person is sacrificed to getting stuff done each day. Having seperate stuff is important but for us at least, having fun things we like to do together keeps the relationship fresh, and us connected.
Yes, so true Steve - you guys are great at that ❤
You might like the piece I have written on my 60 years of marriage (https://arichardson.substack.com/p/celebrating-our-sixtieth-wedding) as well as one I recently published on the search for intimacy (https://arichardson.substack.com/p/the-search-for-intimacy)
Oh thank you Ann, I will take a look. 60 years is an impressive innings 😃
Judy writing Vicki not Alan!
I love this Vicki. It is important to have chemistry. After 45 years of marriage we are fortunate enough to still have it. Also, we are best friends. We have had many challenges over the years but when unconditional love exists we have got through. Love is enduring. ❤️❤️
Yes chemistry and friendship, very important 😃 That's inspiring to hear you still have that at 45 years ❤️
Hi Vicki, you could be describing my own relationship, almost 13 years on. My younger self would be totally surprised as I had to work really hard to get a place where I could have such a loving relationship. All your points are spot on. I’ve also found that kindness is underrated in relationships. Anyway keep up the great work 😊
Thanks for your comments Karla, I'm so glad to hear it resonates with you and I 100% agree about kindness - it's so basic, and yet sometimes we still need to learn this! 😊
Absolutely. You really need to be mindful of it, like a practice. It’s not a given no matter how much you love someone. And I guess it’s forgiving yourself when you’re not because we’re all human at the end of the day!
Yes! I am definitely far from perfect at all these skills, but learning 😉