Thank you for writing this. Inhabiting the long covid world, fatigue is much misunderstood. You go for a rest and people say "All good now?" No, it doesn't work that way. And people, even upbeat and cheerful ones, can be so, very, exhausting. It's a strange, liminal space to inhabit 🙏
Yes, indeed, so misunderstood, and very different from 'normal' everyday tiredness. I'm glad to hear some of this resonated with you, though sorry to hear you've been dealing with long covid. Wishing you a gentle and full recovery 🙏
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, raw, and real yet peaceful read.
I deeply resonate with that state of nervous system fatigue you described—the complete inability to act at times. It brought back a vivid memory from years ago: coming home from the park with my two kids, battling chronic nerve pain, iron deficiency anemia, and the unrelenting demands of motherhood, all while navigating postnatal depression and its effects on my children. Not to mention the lingering shadows of what I now recognize as PTSD from all of the above. I remember sitting in the car in the garage, utterly unable to get out until I had rested right there in the driver’s seat. Even the act of standing felt impossible.
That was a chapter from years ago, but your email feels so timely for me because I’ve been experiencing nerve pain again this week. While I now have the tools to accept, listen, and shift through it, I noticed my body’s initial response was that same wave of extreme fatigue.
Your beautiful reminders to surrender and trust truly meant a lot to me today.
Thanks for sharing a little of your story Miia, I'm sorry to hear it's been so tough. This seems to be such a common experience for women around/approaching midlife and must surely tell us something about how we have been living in westernised culture. I'm glad to hear my words landed in a timely way for you today. Thanks for reading and commenting, and arohanui to you too ❤
This is such a lovely summary. Two things I’ve seen can make it difficult to follow this wise advice.
1) interoceptive difficulties- not always being able to recognise what is going on in our bodies,
2) and a racing mind that wants to fix and be out of the state- driven by anxiety of consequences of being sick or fear that symptoms are getting worse.
It can take a lot of practice- maybe from guided meditation / mindfulness, compassion and acceptance to redevelop / develop our capacity to be in the moment, and notice what our bodies are saying, rather than our anxious minds being in charge. This can be hard in such fatigued / brain foggy states and we need to stay patient and be kind to ourselves.
I look forward to reading about the Gabor mate talk!
Thanks for adding that Jo. So true. Much of my therapy work these days is supporting people to reconnect to interoceptive cues. In fact, you are sparking ideas for another post.... 🤔😊
This is exactly the journey I went on with mind. I had no idea how to recognise what was going on or the tools to know how to change that. A mindfulness cause and a book I was reading literally changed my life and regular practice got me there. It does take a huge amount of patience though and for some it doesn't seem to be their solution. It can be hard to give it the time needed to see results. I think combining being in nature into my practice ramped it up for me!
Nature is my go to salve too! I think it’s in every one of my wellbeing articles, and yet so rarely discussed in my therapy setting / treatment with people in the most part.
Thank you for writing this. It speaks straight to my heart. I am living with fibromyalgia and learning to listen carefully to my fatigue has taken me a long year. I still have some way to go in understanding what my body is trying to tell me, but every day I listen. ❤
Thanks for sharing that Samantha. Yes, the willingness to listen is so key. I meet so many people who are fighting with their bodies, which only burns us out further. Wishing you well with your journey ❤
These are incredibly helpful suggestions and I will be sharing this with the handful of clients that also struggle with auto-immune disorders. The suggestions are gentle and kind and I love the reminder to go with the rip instead of fighting against it.
It's crazy how in the world of today we need to be reminded that it's ok to just be and to listen to our bodies. But I love that you're out here reminding us all and letting us know that it is ok! ❤️
Your writing resonates with me. I have been ill since the beginning of December and just turned the corner about a week ago. After getting the flu, then pneumonia, my body demanded rest and I could not fight it. The floor went out beneath me and an utter exhaustion I had never felt before, swept in. For the first time in my life, I listened and did not "push through."
I did many of the things you described: getting off social media, and gently stretching when my energy started to return. This experience has put me in touch with my body and I have made a commitment to myself to listen more and not run myself ragged.
That's great to hear you were able to really listen to what was needed Jennifer. I firmly believe there are important messages and wisdom in those phases of life. Glad to hear you have turned a corner now. Thanks for sharing your experience here 😊
Such wise, beautiful guidance, Vicki. That’s the first time I’ve heard someone describe the ‘play dead’ response in that way - as a response to what’s happening internally. It makes so much sense.
Whenever my body has said ENOUGH, my tendency has been to deny what was happening and resist its implications. But it was only when I surrendered to my new, uncomfortable normal that things began to open and shift. These days, I usually reach that place sooner than I did in the past, but I find that I still need the same lesson, again and again.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments Dana. And yes, in the human world, I think the 'threat' is often coming from the internal world.
I'm with you on needing to learn the same lesson again and again. Clever how our bodies will keep repeating the message until we well and truly get it 😀
I love your image of the lost little being needing nurturing- that's us, maybe a younger version of ourselves, that needs us to attend to some past trauma. Dr Gabor Mate talks about all autoimmune disorders & most major life threatening disease as having roots in trauma in his book The Myth Of Normal, I highly recommend it.
Years ago I was once diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & I sought alternative treatment that worked with eliminating toxins from my body and strengthening the immune system by working with energies. It was a gradual process that took a year or so before I felt fully recovered but showed me my body knew what it needed & as you say Vicki, I just needed to listen. Now when I look back at that time I know that it had a lot to do with being the busy mother of 3 children under 5 years old whose life revolved around childcare not self care. We also had considerable financial strain.
When I experience a deep fatigue now, I also tune into what is the message- am I working too much? more than likely. When did I last rest? mmm...Taking time to rest each day is a non negotiable for me- I love "Don't just sit there! Do nothing!" - a beautiful way to meditate on just being still in the present moment & bringing awareness to the life energy and breathing it in. Nurturing my immune system with herbal tonics and supplements that help me at a cellular level is also very helpful. I know when I'm not practising self care because the first thing that goes is attention to my nutrition. Eating to "let food be thy medicine" is a great approach. With our immune system mostly in our gut, what we eat needs careful consideration & planning :)
Beautifully said Sally. I love your process of checking in with yourself. So simple, yet so important (and often overlooked).
Gabor Mate's approach very much resonates with my personal and clinical experience, and I have written a bit about the links between trauma and chronic health issues in other pieces. He's coming to Auckland in 2 weeks and I am booked in to see him talk 😊
And yes, my journey has also involved deep dives into herbs and nutrition, which have been a vital part of healing. Though I have to say, for me at least, the nervous system piece has been the biggest factor in my recovery.
Thanks so much for reading and sharing your experiences 🙏
Thank you. Perfect timing. I want to write more but definitely in dorsal mode. Will remember your wise advise as start to life out of this. New pathways. Much gratitude
Even if we are not suffering from autoimmune issues we will benefit from the excellent suggestions in this essay. I appreciate the analogy of being caught in a rip. We need a lot of education around giving ourselves permission to play and rest and not power through a sense of inertia. Thanks Vicki.
Thanks Donna, and yes - we have been indoctrinated in western culture to push on through, which is part of the problem I think. I love that you use the word play - for me, finding the middle ground of curiosity and exploration has been vital - not getting stuck in complete inertia, but neither overdoing it. Play is a lovely way to frame it 😊
Thank you for writing this. Inhabiting the long covid world, fatigue is much misunderstood. You go for a rest and people say "All good now?" No, it doesn't work that way. And people, even upbeat and cheerful ones, can be so, very, exhausting. It's a strange, liminal space to inhabit 🙏
Yes, indeed, so misunderstood, and very different from 'normal' everyday tiredness. I'm glad to hear some of this resonated with you, though sorry to hear you've been dealing with long covid. Wishing you a gentle and full recovery 🙏
Dear Vicki,
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, raw, and real yet peaceful read.
I deeply resonate with that state of nervous system fatigue you described—the complete inability to act at times. It brought back a vivid memory from years ago: coming home from the park with my two kids, battling chronic nerve pain, iron deficiency anemia, and the unrelenting demands of motherhood, all while navigating postnatal depression and its effects on my children. Not to mention the lingering shadows of what I now recognize as PTSD from all of the above. I remember sitting in the car in the garage, utterly unable to get out until I had rested right there in the driver’s seat. Even the act of standing felt impossible.
That was a chapter from years ago, but your email feels so timely for me because I’ve been experiencing nerve pain again this week. While I now have the tools to accept, listen, and shift through it, I noticed my body’s initial response was that same wave of extreme fatigue.
Your beautiful reminders to surrender and trust truly meant a lot to me today.
Thank you so much.
Arohanui,
Miia
Thanks for sharing a little of your story Miia, I'm sorry to hear it's been so tough. This seems to be such a common experience for women around/approaching midlife and must surely tell us something about how we have been living in westernised culture. I'm glad to hear my words landed in a timely way for you today. Thanks for reading and commenting, and arohanui to you too ❤
This is such a lovely summary. Two things I’ve seen can make it difficult to follow this wise advice.
1) interoceptive difficulties- not always being able to recognise what is going on in our bodies,
2) and a racing mind that wants to fix and be out of the state- driven by anxiety of consequences of being sick or fear that symptoms are getting worse.
It can take a lot of practice- maybe from guided meditation / mindfulness, compassion and acceptance to redevelop / develop our capacity to be in the moment, and notice what our bodies are saying, rather than our anxious minds being in charge. This can be hard in such fatigued / brain foggy states and we need to stay patient and be kind to ourselves.
I look forward to reading about the Gabor mate talk!
Thanks for adding that Jo. So true. Much of my therapy work these days is supporting people to reconnect to interoceptive cues. In fact, you are sparking ideas for another post.... 🤔😊
This is exactly the journey I went on with mind. I had no idea how to recognise what was going on or the tools to know how to change that. A mindfulness cause and a book I was reading literally changed my life and regular practice got me there. It does take a huge amount of patience though and for some it doesn't seem to be their solution. It can be hard to give it the time needed to see results. I think combining being in nature into my practice ramped it up for me!
Thanks for sharing that Kathryn. And yes, it's not easy, for sure.
Nature has been great medicine for me too, and very soothing for my jagged nervous system.
Nature is my go to salve too! I think it’s in every one of my wellbeing articles, and yet so rarely discussed in my therapy setting / treatment with people in the most part.
Frustrated I can't edit the typos 🤦♀️🤣
Thank you for writing this. It speaks straight to my heart. I am living with fibromyalgia and learning to listen carefully to my fatigue has taken me a long year. I still have some way to go in understanding what my body is trying to tell me, but every day I listen. ❤
Thanks for sharing that Samantha. Yes, the willingness to listen is so key. I meet so many people who are fighting with their bodies, which only burns us out further. Wishing you well with your journey ❤
These are incredibly helpful suggestions and I will be sharing this with the handful of clients that also struggle with auto-immune disorders. The suggestions are gentle and kind and I love the reminder to go with the rip instead of fighting against it.
Thanks Lindsey - and trauma-sensitive yoga is profoundly helpful in this space too of course.
It's crazy how in the world of today we need to be reminded that it's ok to just be and to listen to our bodies. But I love that you're out here reminding us all and letting us know that it is ok! ❤️
I know Sophie! And yet this seems to be the advice many, if not most, people really need 🙃
Greetings Vicki~
Your writing resonates with me. I have been ill since the beginning of December and just turned the corner about a week ago. After getting the flu, then pneumonia, my body demanded rest and I could not fight it. The floor went out beneath me and an utter exhaustion I had never felt before, swept in. For the first time in my life, I listened and did not "push through."
I did many of the things you described: getting off social media, and gently stretching when my energy started to return. This experience has put me in touch with my body and I have made a commitment to myself to listen more and not run myself ragged.
Thank you!
That's great to hear you were able to really listen to what was needed Jennifer. I firmly believe there are important messages and wisdom in those phases of life. Glad to hear you have turned a corner now. Thanks for sharing your experience here 😊
A very well put and thoughtful article on a topic that many shy away from. Thank you Dr Vicki
Thanks Karin, I'm glad to hear it resonated with you 😊
Such wise, beautiful guidance, Vicki. That’s the first time I’ve heard someone describe the ‘play dead’ response in that way - as a response to what’s happening internally. It makes so much sense.
Whenever my body has said ENOUGH, my tendency has been to deny what was happening and resist its implications. But it was only when I surrendered to my new, uncomfortable normal that things began to open and shift. These days, I usually reach that place sooner than I did in the past, but I find that I still need the same lesson, again and again.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments Dana. And yes, in the human world, I think the 'threat' is often coming from the internal world.
I'm with you on needing to learn the same lesson again and again. Clever how our bodies will keep repeating the message until we well and truly get it 😀
I love your image of the lost little being needing nurturing- that's us, maybe a younger version of ourselves, that needs us to attend to some past trauma. Dr Gabor Mate talks about all autoimmune disorders & most major life threatening disease as having roots in trauma in his book The Myth Of Normal, I highly recommend it.
Years ago I was once diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & I sought alternative treatment that worked with eliminating toxins from my body and strengthening the immune system by working with energies. It was a gradual process that took a year or so before I felt fully recovered but showed me my body knew what it needed & as you say Vicki, I just needed to listen. Now when I look back at that time I know that it had a lot to do with being the busy mother of 3 children under 5 years old whose life revolved around childcare not self care. We also had considerable financial strain.
When I experience a deep fatigue now, I also tune into what is the message- am I working too much? more than likely. When did I last rest? mmm...Taking time to rest each day is a non negotiable for me- I love "Don't just sit there! Do nothing!" - a beautiful way to meditate on just being still in the present moment & bringing awareness to the life energy and breathing it in. Nurturing my immune system with herbal tonics and supplements that help me at a cellular level is also very helpful. I know when I'm not practising self care because the first thing that goes is attention to my nutrition. Eating to "let food be thy medicine" is a great approach. With our immune system mostly in our gut, what we eat needs careful consideration & planning :)
Beautifully said Sally. I love your process of checking in with yourself. So simple, yet so important (and often overlooked).
Gabor Mate's approach very much resonates with my personal and clinical experience, and I have written a bit about the links between trauma and chronic health issues in other pieces. He's coming to Auckland in 2 weeks and I am booked in to see him talk 😊
And yes, my journey has also involved deep dives into herbs and nutrition, which have been a vital part of healing. Though I have to say, for me at least, the nervous system piece has been the biggest factor in my recovery.
Thanks so much for reading and sharing your experiences 🙏
Thank you. Perfect timing. I want to write more but definitely in dorsal mode. Will remember your wise advise as start to life out of this. New pathways. Much gratitude
Thanks for sharing that Ngaire. Take care in your dorsal cocoon, small steps and gentle explorations.
Even if we are not suffering from autoimmune issues we will benefit from the excellent suggestions in this essay. I appreciate the analogy of being caught in a rip. We need a lot of education around giving ourselves permission to play and rest and not power through a sense of inertia. Thanks Vicki.
Thanks Donna, and yes - we have been indoctrinated in western culture to push on through, which is part of the problem I think. I love that you use the word play - for me, finding the middle ground of curiosity and exploration has been vital - not getting stuck in complete inertia, but neither overdoing it. Play is a lovely way to frame it 😊
Yes, it's like a teeter-totter (maybe you call it something else over there?) and always a balancing act.
I'm not sure what we call it, but yes!
A teeter totter is a Seesaw :)
Oh thanks for the translation Sally, that's good to know 😀
A much better word than teeter totter! Thanks Sally.
Teeter-totter is a brilliant word, I can't believe I've never heard it 😂
They are both pretty cool words, teeter totter and seesaw, and they describe a lot more than just those things we find in playgrounds!