Thanks so much, Vicki, for the shout-out – I am delighted to be seen as 'juicy' (my husband, with whom I have countless laughs, loved that one), not to mention 'alive, playful, mischievous, and adventurous'. Not that people would see any of that when they meet me, as I lead a more stable life than most (61 years married to same man, nearly 50 years in the same house etc etc) and I am not a flamboyant sort, but my mind and sense of fun are both still very alert.
I really never thought I was doing anything special. As someone wrote in a comment on my Substack on much the same issue, "I don't know how to be anything else." But clearly people find it surprising that at 82 I am standing on my head (which is literally true – just have a look on my site – but also figuratively true in that I have a sense of fun). So I have been thinking a lot on this issue from the other side. I do think that it is partly a matter of personality that stays much of the same over the years, partly a matter of circumstances (no serious health issues) and partly a matter – you said it, but I think it too – use it or lose it.
I don't think it's necessarily about being flamboyant Ann, just staying open and flexible (in body and mind). Anyway, I am grateful for the women like yourself, flying the flag for what's possible in our later years and leading the way for those a few steps behind 😀 Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Well I agree about being or not being flamboyant, but people tend to imagine that a sense of fun goes with that quality. A sort of Auntie Mame figure, if that means anything.
I loved this reflection. It seems like you are working hard to generate new ways of thinking and living and being. You are a wonderful example of someone who is not letting the years of growing older slow you down or stop curiosity around new things. I too can get comfortable in a routine but I recognize how important it can be to switch it up and push myself a bit in order to stay juicy 🤣
Let's just say it's an aspirational piece.... the irony being that as I wrote it this week, I found myself in a huge energy slump, feeling anything but juicy!
In Chinese medicine, there is a saying, "when there is pain, there is no free flow. When there is free flow there is no pain." We talk about stagnation as the root of many diseases, both physically and emotionally. Stagnation leads to dis-ease. Feeling stuck and sometimes paralyzed and unable to do anything. I believe movement is medicine, whether it's on the yoga mat or in the world. I love walking in the woods and swimming in the pond (during the Summer). There is something about nature that connects us more deeply to ourselves. I'm 52, so I'm right there with you on the north side of 50. I just keep going, breathing, moving, flowing, being more me every day.
Thank you for this lovely essay, Vicki. We're not dead yet!
Thanks Janine, I love that perspective, and it makes so much sense to me. Yoga has taught me that a flexible body and flexible mind go hand in hand. I'm grateful to have my daily yoga practice firmly established as I navigate this next life stage. Thanks for your comments 😊
This brings up many thoughts. I’m 51, at the “Chiron return” in astrology terms. Chiron is the wounded healer, and if one has not been tending their inner world, this is often when a ‘midlife crisis’ happens to make you pay attention. But it can also be the ‘natural blossoming’ of a life that has finally got itself sorted. I’m somewhere in the middle, leaning into the latter.
After my father’s death in 2014, my mom, differently-abled through stroke, lived with us for four years. It was a cautionary tale. I’ve always been health-focussed, but this kicked it up a notch! Mobility is paramount to quality of life, and so is joy. To find ways, even when limited, to do the things you love is so crucial.
I’ve since been loving Qi Gong, and trying to remember, and do, what lights me up. To keep exploring, even with financial and health restrictions. I revisited ballet at age 48, and this year I’m doing local theatre again. And I returned to writing. Here’s to the juicy years!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences Quinn.
I'm also 51 and believe the 'wounded healer' archetype features strongly in my chart too (so I've been told by an Astrologer). I love that idea that it can be a crisis or a natural blossoming or somewhere in between, and can very much recognise that edge.
I'm finding substack a really good place to find role models actually. I've come across so many substacks of women well in their 70s and 80s who are embracing their creativity, it's so inspiring.
Aaaaamen, Dr. Vicki!!! Nature is a lovely companion and you find yourself doing all kinds of things that might not have EVER occurred to you there, and discovering it is amaze-balls! Also, I high recommend pole dancing. Best decision EVER - a bad ass workout, some fierce women to support and be supported by and getting in touch with your sensual side is a serious side benefit. XO
Fabulous Danielle. I have a good friend who pole dances and absolutely loves it - I can totally imagine how it connects you to your fierceness. Go you 🙌😀
It's interesting that you are using the word "juiciness". We enter our Vata period when we turn 50 or so. It serves well to bring more grounding, more fluidity and a little bit of fire 🔥 to balance out the dryness and emptiness of this stage of life. Juicy - is the way to be 🍓🍓🍓
For me, juiciness has been laughter, travel, reading, learning, and spending time with the people I love. The pandemic and perimenopause squeezed all of the juice out of me (ironically, my article this week is about this, but in a different context), and I've spent the last 3 years trying to reclaim lost time. I agree that we're here to live life to the fullest, yet it takes a lot of wisdom to get to this point. Midlife is the perfect culmination of everything we've done and gives us the perspective and permission to step back and take it all in.
Yes, it definitely takes time to step into these perspectives. I look forward to reading your article this week Shelby. Thanks for sharing your experiences 😊
I think I’ve always been someone who loves and thrives on new experiences, think Jack of all trades…..trying a little bit of this and that. Since losing my mom, I’ve been thinking more and more about how time can run away from you and I’m more determined than ever to grab those moments/experiences and not let growing older be an excuse for not doing something. Last weekend, my running girls and I were bemoaning the fact that we’re all much slower now than ten yrs ago. But actually, we should be thinking about how we all are still out there, running twice a week, enjoying nature, friendship, new places. I keep thinking that you never know what the future holds, we certainly hadn’t expected mom’s passing, and I will definitely be grabbing every experience I can. Thank you for this wonderful article xx
Thanks for adding this perspective Kerri. Yes there is nothing quite like a death to bring these issues into sharp focus. It sounds like it's helping you get really clear on what's important..... And I take my hat off to anyone who manages to run, that is something I've never managed!!
Thank you, Vicki! I turn 50 in December, so this is definitely something on my mind. 🙏🏽 For me, "choosing juiciness" (I love that imagery) looks like: Connecting with others, moving my body, learning and growing as a loving human, helping others, playing, being in nature, going on adventures, snuggling, balancing the adventures with chill time at home, practicing gratitude, reflecting on and sharing my stresses/struggles/etc., and living contemplatively.
What a fabulous list Lang 😃 And happy birthday in advance. I loved turning 50, it felt like stepping across the threshold into the wisdom years! Thanks for commenting and sharing the article 🙏
I love maturing! My 20s and 30s were hard. Life got better in my 40s. 50s were outstanding. And I love my life as I'm about to turn 62. The best is yet to come...
Oh I'm glad it was interesting Lucy. Yes Erikson's theory is an old one, but has stood the test of time, and is pretty spot on in nailing the core conflict at each life stage I think.
I love this so much, Vicki. I, too, notice myself at this crossroads. There are such radically different paths aging can take, and while of course much is out of our hands, other things are not - yet many seem to believe they are, and belief becomes reality.
I think about my dad and how he’s not only chosen the path of stagnation (internally and externally), but seems angry at the suggestion that any other path exists (beneath that anger is pain and grief, I have no doubt). Growing up, I listened to him dismiss potential partners as "too old" (they were younger than him and younger than me now, at age 49). This spring, when he came to visit me and we were having lunch at a restaurant looking out at the water, he angrily declared, "Aging sucks!" What he didn’t notice, but I did, is that seated right next to us were two older couples sharing a meal and lively conversation. They were all older than him, yet exuded excitement about life. And joy. And kindness. My heart breaks for my dad and for anyone who feels their life is over long before it actually is.
Gosh, yes, that is painful to witness, and as you say our beliefs becomes our reality. I'm continually on the look out for those people who inspire a different vision of elderhood. Thankfully there's quite a few of them hanging out here on Substack 😊
Vicki your writing is beautiful - so much “juiciness ” in this piece that I’ve already read it several times (& shared with friends at this similar life stage - I’m 56). I’ve felt like I’ve been stagnating for the last year or so as I’m dealing with long covid & unable to do much of what I’ve been used to doing, but you are so right in that choosing juiciness doesn’t have to be big - it’s about our attitude & mindset too.
Thank you for a gorgeous piece, which I will continue to reflect on. 🩵
Thank you Jan, I'm glad to hear it resonated with you, and thank you for sharing it with others. Much of this exploration has come from my own journey with autoimmune disease and those questions of how to stay alive to life, even when energy is low in the tank. It's challenging, but I do believe it's possible. Wishing you well with your recovery.
Thanks so much, Vicki, for the shout-out – I am delighted to be seen as 'juicy' (my husband, with whom I have countless laughs, loved that one), not to mention 'alive, playful, mischievous, and adventurous'. Not that people would see any of that when they meet me, as I lead a more stable life than most (61 years married to same man, nearly 50 years in the same house etc etc) and I am not a flamboyant sort, but my mind and sense of fun are both still very alert.
I really never thought I was doing anything special. As someone wrote in a comment on my Substack on much the same issue, "I don't know how to be anything else." But clearly people find it surprising that at 82 I am standing on my head (which is literally true – just have a look on my site – but also figuratively true in that I have a sense of fun). So I have been thinking a lot on this issue from the other side. I do think that it is partly a matter of personality that stays much of the same over the years, partly a matter of circumstances (no serious health issues) and partly a matter – you said it, but I think it too – use it or lose it.
Whatever it is, just KEEP USING IT
I don't think it's necessarily about being flamboyant Ann, just staying open and flexible (in body and mind). Anyway, I am grateful for the women like yourself, flying the flag for what's possible in our later years and leading the way for those a few steps behind 😀 Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Well I agree about being or not being flamboyant, but people tend to imagine that a sense of fun goes with that quality. A sort of Auntie Mame figure, if that means anything.
I don't know Auntie Mame, but I do know what you mean...
I loved this reflection. It seems like you are working hard to generate new ways of thinking and living and being. You are a wonderful example of someone who is not letting the years of growing older slow you down or stop curiosity around new things. I too can get comfortable in a routine but I recognize how important it can be to switch it up and push myself a bit in order to stay juicy 🤣
Let's just say it's an aspirational piece.... the irony being that as I wrote it this week, I found myself in a huge energy slump, feeling anything but juicy!
In Chinese medicine, there is a saying, "when there is pain, there is no free flow. When there is free flow there is no pain." We talk about stagnation as the root of many diseases, both physically and emotionally. Stagnation leads to dis-ease. Feeling stuck and sometimes paralyzed and unable to do anything. I believe movement is medicine, whether it's on the yoga mat or in the world. I love walking in the woods and swimming in the pond (during the Summer). There is something about nature that connects us more deeply to ourselves. I'm 52, so I'm right there with you on the north side of 50. I just keep going, breathing, moving, flowing, being more me every day.
Thank you for this lovely essay, Vicki. We're not dead yet!
Thanks Janine, I love that perspective, and it makes so much sense to me. Yoga has taught me that a flexible body and flexible mind go hand in hand. I'm grateful to have my daily yoga practice firmly established as I navigate this next life stage. Thanks for your comments 😊
This brings up many thoughts. I’m 51, at the “Chiron return” in astrology terms. Chiron is the wounded healer, and if one has not been tending their inner world, this is often when a ‘midlife crisis’ happens to make you pay attention. But it can also be the ‘natural blossoming’ of a life that has finally got itself sorted. I’m somewhere in the middle, leaning into the latter.
After my father’s death in 2014, my mom, differently-abled through stroke, lived with us for four years. It was a cautionary tale. I’ve always been health-focussed, but this kicked it up a notch! Mobility is paramount to quality of life, and so is joy. To find ways, even when limited, to do the things you love is so crucial.
I’ve since been loving Qi Gong, and trying to remember, and do, what lights me up. To keep exploring, even with financial and health restrictions. I revisited ballet at age 48, and this year I’m doing local theatre again. And I returned to writing. Here’s to the juicy years!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences Quinn.
I'm also 51 and believe the 'wounded healer' archetype features strongly in my chart too (so I've been told by an Astrologer). I love that idea that it can be a crisis or a natural blossoming or somewhere in between, and can very much recognise that edge.
And yes, here's to the juicy years 😊
Now I have to ask your birthday (but you don’t have to say). Mine’s May 29.
I'm finding substack a really good place to find role models actually. I've come across so many substacks of women well in their 70s and 80s who are embracing their creativity, it's so inspiring.
Yes I agree Sophie. Some awesome creative older role models here 😀
Aaaaamen, Dr. Vicki!!! Nature is a lovely companion and you find yourself doing all kinds of things that might not have EVER occurred to you there, and discovering it is amaze-balls! Also, I high recommend pole dancing. Best decision EVER - a bad ass workout, some fierce women to support and be supported by and getting in touch with your sensual side is a serious side benefit. XO
Fabulous Danielle. I have a good friend who pole dances and absolutely loves it - I can totally imagine how it connects you to your fierceness. Go you 🙌😀
I love the ideas you discussed here. I’m going to try to choose juiciness more often than not.
I’m glad to hear it resonated Amy 😀
It's interesting that you are using the word "juiciness". We enter our Vata period when we turn 50 or so. It serves well to bring more grounding, more fluidity and a little bit of fire 🔥 to balance out the dryness and emptiness of this stage of life. Juicy - is the way to be 🍓🍓🍓
And by emptiness I mean spaciousness 😉
Yes absolutely, and I'm quite a vata constitution anyway, so I need a double dose of juice 😄 Thanks for bringing in that perspective Polina 😊
For me, juiciness has been laughter, travel, reading, learning, and spending time with the people I love. The pandemic and perimenopause squeezed all of the juice out of me (ironically, my article this week is about this, but in a different context), and I've spent the last 3 years trying to reclaim lost time. I agree that we're here to live life to the fullest, yet it takes a lot of wisdom to get to this point. Midlife is the perfect culmination of everything we've done and gives us the perspective and permission to step back and take it all in.
Yes, it definitely takes time to step into these perspectives. I look forward to reading your article this week Shelby. Thanks for sharing your experiences 😊
I think I’ve always been someone who loves and thrives on new experiences, think Jack of all trades…..trying a little bit of this and that. Since losing my mom, I’ve been thinking more and more about how time can run away from you and I’m more determined than ever to grab those moments/experiences and not let growing older be an excuse for not doing something. Last weekend, my running girls and I were bemoaning the fact that we’re all much slower now than ten yrs ago. But actually, we should be thinking about how we all are still out there, running twice a week, enjoying nature, friendship, new places. I keep thinking that you never know what the future holds, we certainly hadn’t expected mom’s passing, and I will definitely be grabbing every experience I can. Thank you for this wonderful article xx
Thanks for adding this perspective Kerri. Yes there is nothing quite like a death to bring these issues into sharp focus. It sounds like it's helping you get really clear on what's important..... And I take my hat off to anyone who manages to run, that is something I've never managed!!
Thank you, Vicki! I turn 50 in December, so this is definitely something on my mind. 🙏🏽 For me, "choosing juiciness" (I love that imagery) looks like: Connecting with others, moving my body, learning and growing as a loving human, helping others, playing, being in nature, going on adventures, snuggling, balancing the adventures with chill time at home, practicing gratitude, reflecting on and sharing my stresses/struggles/etc., and living contemplatively.
What a fabulous list Lang 😃 And happy birthday in advance. I loved turning 50, it felt like stepping across the threshold into the wisdom years! Thanks for commenting and sharing the article 🙏
I love maturing! My 20s and 30s were hard. Life got better in my 40s. 50s were outstanding. And I love my life as I'm about to turn 62. The best is yet to come...
That is so inspiring to hear Pamela 😃 I'm already liking my 50s better than my 40s!
Just what I needed this morning to remind me there are alternatives to the hamster wheel :-)
Great Nicki, glad it was well-timed 😀
This is such an interesting post, I’m still digesting it, and I had no idea about Erikson’s eight-stage theory!
Oh I'm glad it was interesting Lucy. Yes Erikson's theory is an old one, but has stood the test of time, and is pretty spot on in nailing the core conflict at each life stage I think.
I love this so much, Vicki. I, too, notice myself at this crossroads. There are such radically different paths aging can take, and while of course much is out of our hands, other things are not - yet many seem to believe they are, and belief becomes reality.
I think about my dad and how he’s not only chosen the path of stagnation (internally and externally), but seems angry at the suggestion that any other path exists (beneath that anger is pain and grief, I have no doubt). Growing up, I listened to him dismiss potential partners as "too old" (they were younger than him and younger than me now, at age 49). This spring, when he came to visit me and we were having lunch at a restaurant looking out at the water, he angrily declared, "Aging sucks!" What he didn’t notice, but I did, is that seated right next to us were two older couples sharing a meal and lively conversation. They were all older than him, yet exuded excitement about life. And joy. And kindness. My heart breaks for my dad and for anyone who feels their life is over long before it actually is.
Gosh, yes, that is painful to witness, and as you say our beliefs becomes our reality. I'm continually on the look out for those people who inspire a different vision of elderhood. Thankfully there's quite a few of them hanging out here on Substack 😊
Vicki your writing is beautiful - so much “juiciness ” in this piece that I’ve already read it several times (& shared with friends at this similar life stage - I’m 56). I’ve felt like I’ve been stagnating for the last year or so as I’m dealing with long covid & unable to do much of what I’ve been used to doing, but you are so right in that choosing juiciness doesn’t have to be big - it’s about our attitude & mindset too.
Thank you for a gorgeous piece, which I will continue to reflect on. 🩵
Thank you Jan, I'm glad to hear it resonated with you, and thank you for sharing it with others. Much of this exploration has come from my own journey with autoimmune disease and those questions of how to stay alive to life, even when energy is low in the tank. It's challenging, but I do believe it's possible. Wishing you well with your recovery.