On loss, connection, and standing alongside

A few notes from a turbulent week

Image: Moody view over Piha beach in West Auckland

This isn’t the piece I planned to write this week.

My best-laid plans were derailed by a sudden death amongst my circle of friends.

What followed was a whirlwind – standing in support, gathering in community, mourning in ceremony.

Waves of emotion rippled through my world, including the terror of mortality and loss. It is no longer my grandparents’ generation who are passing. These days, it is increasingly my friends and peers. I’ve needed to walk and walk this week to move the spiking anxiety through my body.

In amongst it all, one thing shone through – love.

Witnessing a dear friend move through the life-shattering shock and soul-shaking grief of losing the person most central in her world blew my heart wide open.

I felt my love and heartbreak for her, deeper than ever before.

And I felt what it is to show up, to hold, to stand alongside.

To be a part of the village we need to walk us through this life.

My last post was a piece on holding space, written before I had any idea how timely this would be as a note to myself.

I’ve been called to walk my talk this week.

I’ve been called to quiet myself and make space in my being for the enormity of life’s pain and challenge. I’ve been called to bear witness to that which I cannot fix or change or take away. I’ve been reminded that we are feathers floating on the breeze, not in control of the directionality of our lives.

I’ve been reminded of the fragility of this human existence.

In recent years, I’ve been increasingly drawn to solitude, silence, and the sanctuary of home. This week, I felt the vital lifeline that is community, connection, and co-creation. I felt myself gravitating back into the comfort and familiarity of friendships that have weathered the storms of life, the tensions, differences, hurts, and disappointments. The changes, growth, and challenges of being in each other's lives over the long-haul of decades. I felt how hard it all is, and how much we need each other, need some soft places to land, where we are seen, known, and welcomed. Some places we can lean into, be received, and met, no matter the circumstances, no matter our state.

With the shape of our community altered, the map of our lives re-drawn, we stumble on towards whatever comes next.

We continue to walk each other through the highs and the lows, the mundane and the extraordinary. To stand shoulder to shoulder through expansive moments of joy and dark nights of the soul. Celebrating and mourning, holding and being held, drawing close and taking space, struggling and loving, as time marches forwards and life unfolds its mysteries.

I’m left with gratitude, reverence, and awe for all that we meet on this human journey.

And I’ll share this from our funeral service this week. Sinéad says it best.

Arohanui,¹

Vicki

Thanks for being here as part of the growing community in this little corner of the internet. I feel your presence too, as part of the web of connection in my life, and welcome all your comments and thoughts.

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1. Arohanui is a Māori greeting, commonly used in New Zealand, meaning with much love.

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Disclaimer - Content is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only, and is not a substitute for mental health treatment or advice.

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